I have a previous post about my opinions of women and their current role in our society, and that post was more of a soap box rant than anything... If you would like to read it, you can view it here:
Marriage and Babies- Is this really all I am worth?


In class this week we discussed a few things. Finances, tithing, mother and fathers roles with their children.... but perhaps the most important thing we discussed was the choice women all over America are making every day; Do I, or don't I, be a stay at home mother?

Studies have concluded that the impact in the home is negative when the mother has to work. Most of that toll comes because there is already financial woes and stress in the home and the mother has to work in order to work in order to maintain their lifestyle. The Family a Proclamation to the World makes it pretty clear that a mothers job is to nurture and love. We are taught that the wife holds the responsibility of providing a home where the Spirit can dwell, and the gospel can be taught. It is the Fathers job to provide, put the food on the table so to speak. Both husband and wife are still (or they should be) an equal partnership. Both providing natural love and affection towards each other and their children, as well as making sure that the home is temporally and spiritually in tact. We are taught to get an education, gain as much knowledge as possible. After all, our families and our knowledge come with us into the next life, don't they?

Someone might be asking, "So what is the big deal about being a stay at home mom then? Why wouldn't you want to be at home with your family?"

Unfortunately, it is not always that simple. At least it doesn't feel that simple to me. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. In fact, I am sure that there is nothing in this world more important to me that achieving those two things. The churches teachings about the family is a part of the reason I was so drawn to it to begin with! Along with my desire to be a wife and a mother, I have gained a desire to have the opportunity to watch my children grow. I don't want a baby sitter being the one to see their first steps, or see them loose their first tooth. I want to be with my children. In conjunction with my husband I want to be the one to raise them, teach them what is right and true, and develop close family ties; ties I never had growing up.

I also love to learn. School has been a wild ride for me, and has been a healthy expression of my intellect and ability to put my intelligence to some good use. Not only do I intend to graduate and receive a bachelors degree, but there is a possibility I will want to go even further and receive my masters... there is nothing wrong with that.

What do I do when I get married and begin to have children? Do I put school on hold? Do I drop out all together? That doesn't seem like something I want to do... Maybe I should press through, continue to do what I do and learn to balance home life and my school. Oh but wait! Ill be newly married! I am young! Do I quit my job? Take a few hours off my work week? Or do I keep doing what I am doing?
Of course this is a matter to be discussed with my husband and taken to the Lord in fervent prayer. As a matter of fact, my professor has suggested that these questions should be discussed even in courtship with my significant other-these questions and concerns are that big of a deal.

Every circumstance is different. The Family a Proclamation to the World has told us that as a family we may have to adjust in order to fufill our shared responsibilities as a family if the circumstance requires it. What if the husband looses his job? Gets injured? What if you get divorced? What if something happens... what do you do? How do you prepare?

When I imagine myself in this position I cant help but to feel the extreme importance of receiving my own education- at the very least in order to give me something to fall back on in an emergency situation. Then I think about the money I am spending in order to achieve this degree, and I think to myself, "boy what a waste it would be if I didn't graduate and move toward a career of some sort..." No one ever regrets not working more in their life, but they always wish they could have spent more time with their family. But... does that mean that I should stop dead in my tracks when I start my family? How can I be sure that I am really doing what is best for them?

I am hoping to be the kind of mother that will make whatever sacrifice is necessary to provide love, support, and whatever else they stand in need of, to my family. We are all aware that being a parent is all about sacrifice. So is marriage. Lots of things in this life require sacrifice of some form. I am a selfish person, and being a parent will probably root a lot of that selfishness right out of me... but is it so wrong to want to continue my education? Pursue a career? Want to work, at least a little bit?
At this moment in my life I feel pretty grateful I don't have to make that choice right now. My mom worked when I was growing up, but never once did I feel neglected, or ignored. I learned how to read at an early age. I can write, spell, tie my shoes, and lo and behold, I am a decent adult today! Would I be incredibky different if she ws able to stay at home with me full time? Its possible, but I turned out just fine if you ask me!

The independent women inside of me feels like I would be trading my mind for a mop the moment I decided to not work at all. I know that is not true though, being a stay at home mom is busy! It absolutely is a full time job and then some, and those kids are blessed and happy! At the same time though, I know those women crave something else sometimes. Perhaps more adult conversation, a way to serve, or at least a shower that isn't interrupted! Would it be so terrible for their sanity if they took some online classes, did a service project, or worked a few hours a week? Would it really break down their marriage and their childrens understanding of stability and security? I don't know...

To all of you mothers out there, single or married, I applaud you. Being a mother is the highest and most important calling there is and ever will be! You do so much and often lack the appreciation you deserve. You are in my prayers. If you are faced with this choice to stay at home, or to not, I want you to know that you DO get a say in the matter, and the Lord will not misguide you and your husband if you council with Him together. If you have to work, due to whatever unfortunate circumstance, again, you are in my prayers. You are doing what youre supposed to do-provide all you can for your family. If you are spent, worn out, exhausted and confsed, remember that family life is eternal life. You may not have the ideal situation. Seldom are we that lucky. Trials in life come to teach us, and help us grow. I know I am growing and learning much more than I anticipated and I am not yet a wife or a mother. Think of the eternal consequences-and I am talking about the good happy ones!

No matter your choice, no matter your circumstance, know one thing. If you choose to stay at home, that doesn't make you any less of a woman. That does not rid you of your intelligence and capability to make a difference in your community, or even the world. If you choose to get an education and work, that does not make you a bad wife and mother. That does not rob you of the divine blessing and honor of motherhood, or make you any less deserving of such a wonderful thing.

You are important. You have a say. You have a choice.
Just remember that

He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Something has been getting under my skin for quite awhile now, and I have written and deleted this post over and over.  I don't want to offend, or hurt anyone's feelings. Being surrounded by church members has done the opposite of what I expected it to do. Perhaps it is me justifying my sins and short comings, but I am so disappointed to see so many people live the culture of the church, instead of the gospel.

It is here, on a campus full of Mormons, that I have never felt more judged, ostracized, and worried about who I am. I have never had so many people assume I was "trouble" because of my tattoos, or question my relationship with God simply because I am dating someone who hasn't served a mission. It is here, in Podunk Rexburg, Idaho that the same person who was very visibly breaking curfew, by sitting in my apartment at one in the morning, actually shush me for saying a curse word. Breaking curfew can cause you to have your endorsement removed mind you...
Now, I am fully aware of what the Lord has asked us to do, and I do my best to keep my mouth clean-its something I have been working on since I was baptized, and believe me, its gotten much better!

I have heard more people say awful things about the Orlando crisis because those individuals were homosexual than ever. I have heard women say nasty things about other women who were wearing skirts that were a little short. It has broken my heart when people make snide remarks about people who made mistakes and can not go into the temple, or people who were married outside of the temple for whatever reason... I don't understand why anyone thinks it is their business...

A few Sundays ago, the man who passed the sacrament to my row, actually asked the person next to me why they didn't take the sacrament. As a matter of fact, he asked twice, and then continued to stare at him for the rest of the ordinance. Just a week or two after that, a member of my bishopric said, "Brothers and Sisters... just don't be a statistic of the church. If you get lost, there wont be any bread crumbs to help you come back." I am sure he didn't mean that to be so harsh, but my heart felt so sad. Not only was that completely false, but if there was anyone in that room who was struggling, I am positive that comment did not uplift and encourage them to feel safe within their designated ward.

I think of all the individuals I met on my mission. Some members their whole lives, some just learning about the gospel for the first time. Oh how much I love them and would do anything to help them get on the path they should be on. I would feel absolutely terrible if I ever made them feel like I was judging them, or looking down on them. Whether it be because of sin, misunderstanding, or anything else... My heart would break for them if I was to learn that they were struggling with their faith, if they felt lost, or if they were feeling uncomfortable at church.

I am not perfect. I am sure I have been one of those people to be so frustrated with someone's actions to judge them un-righteously. Actually, I am sure I have-never intentionally though. This is what the culture of the church looks like to me. All the sudden we are fashion police. We are sticking our noses in places they don't belong, and we are being openly rude when we smell something 'wrong'. We are playing the role that only the Savior Himself has the right to play.

The gospel has never taught us to judge one another. It has never encouraged us to be mean, hurtful, or just plain rude because someone's sins may be more visible than our own. The gospel has taught us to have faith in Christ, enough to repent when we do wrong, and trust that when we do, we can be forgiven and try again. It has taught us that we should be a light to one another. We should open our hearts that we might understand. In Moroni, it teaches us to pray with all the energy of heart for charity-the pure love of Christ. This is the love we are commanded to have for one another. The exhortion to pray with all the energy of heart makes so much sense to me. Being charitable is not always easy. It is the natural man to be judgemental... but because of Christ we can overcome our natural tendancies as humans-that is what the gospel is all about.

I miss the gospel. I miss being around individuals who understood its core purpose, and embraced it. I know there are lots and lots of those people here, I am not disregarding that. Lately I feel like I haven't seen those colors in the individuals I am surrounded by. This really is a good place, and I have learned so much being here. All of this has made me take a look at myself and evaluate where my heart is. I have made plans with the Lord, that with His help, I can be more humble, loving and patient. There is something here for me to learn.
However, there is something all of us can learn if we take a step back and ask, "What Lack I yet?"
No one is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. Christ will make up for all that we do lack though, and will help us improve if we desire to do so.
He can help us remember that all of the people around us are experiencing some sort of trial right now, and they might need our help and encouragement; not our judgements and dirty looks.

He who is without sin can cast the first stone-but are any of us without sin?

I didn't think so.

Under Pressure

What stresses you out? Homework? Family? Finances?
What would you consider a crisis? The loss of a loved one? A body ridden with cancer?

Congratulations. If you shook your head to any of these or are experiencing any of these currently, you are normal. You are also being abundantly blessed. Yep, that's right. Its a blessing to be stressed or in the middle of a crisis.

Trust me, I am the last person who is going to convince you that being tired, stressed out, anxious, or depressed is actually a blessing.

Stressors in family dynamics will certainly try your patience at every whit. A crisis will do so ten fold, and if you are not careful, either one of these will break you down. It will permanently change your family roles, tear at the seams of your marriage, and hurt your Spirit. You are probably wondering why any of this sounds like a blessing.
Let me explain.

President Uchtdorf of the First Presidency of the Church once said, "It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself that determines how your story will develop." I have thought a lot about this, especially right now. I am working 32 hours a week, and I am taking 15 credits. The semester is over half way over, and I am completely broke. If I don't work the hours I don't get to eat or keep a roof over my head. If I work more hours, my sleep and studies take the hit. It is a pretty vicious cycle for me right now, and I am doing all I can not to let the stress completely over take me.

The Book of Mormon teaches us that it is through opposition that we actually experience JOY. Yes, Joy. Eternal happiness and bliss is the promised outcome when we endure all of lifes pain, sorrow and sadness. We face conflict that produces stress every day, and sometimes that turns into a crisis.
Luckily the good Lord intended for us to be in family. He intended us to be married, to have children, and to lean on those closest to us. I don't know about you, but the ones I love the most are always my biggest form of support.

Death, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or otherwise), addiction, work or lack there of... all of these things contribute to family crisis'. These things will cause you to believe that they are going to rule your whole life. Consume who you are from the inside out. How do we stop that process dead in its tracks?

We communicate. We talk to our spouse and our children. We discuss the possible outcomes of things that may become difficult for our family in the future and we prepare ourselves. We learn the principle of forgiveness. Not only forgiving those who have made mistakes that were at our peril, but the forgiveness of ourselves when we are the ones making the mistakes. We remember that EVIL IS STUPID.

Satan is so dumb! If he really wanted us to stray from the Lords plan, he would leave us the heck alone. Sin, trials, heartache and whatever else he may send our way, actually give us the chance to band together as families and use the atonement.
Not only to repent, receive forgiveness, and to feel guilt free, but also to overcome personal weakness and receive strength when we feel like we cant make it over the hump. What better way to strengthen our families than to come together and go to the Lord?

Opposition is a huge part of Gods plan of happiness. We cant appreciate the times that feel free and easy if we don't know what it feels like to be stuck and sad.

So my friends, the next time you feel under pressure. No matter the circumstance, go to your spouse. Hug your children. Communicate, make a plan, and keep the Lord involved. Remember that the trials we experience in this life are designed to prepare us for glory here after.

Also, remember Satan sucks.
<3

Thank You Orlando

This weekend a terrible tragedy occurred. 50 people were murdered while dancing the night away at a gay club. My heart is breaking. It is breaking for the victims. For their families and their friends. For the survivors who had to witness such a horrific massacre. My heart is breaking for those in the LGBT community who are feeling even more unsafe than they did before...

My heart is also sad for the people who have turned this into an opportunity to turn their backs-simply because these victims are gay. To separate themselves from any association with gay people...

I live in Rexburg Idaho. A Mormon dominant town, full of college students who are opinionated and for the most part republican. I am certain that there are people who identify themselves as homosexual on this campus, and that is definitely the minority here... I am certain that those individuals experience what I call the "black sheep syndrome". They may feel ostracized and depressed simply because of their sexual orientation. A Mormon is raised to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. In order to have a family that lasts forever we must be sealed in the holy temple of God. A man and a man, nor a woman and a woman who are in love can not be married in the temple. So imagine the difficulty it causes in the hearts and souls of these individuals who are gay. They must choose. Choose between living the way they are raised, and for the most part they really do believe and love... or, do they choose love, companionship, and a chance at eartlhy happiness? This is a traumatic daily struggle these individuals go through. It causes emotional, spiritual, and mental strain, and I cant begin to fathom having to choose between love and family and God... which sounds awful, I know. I can promise you though, my faith is just not that strong. That's a hard thing to face!

This blog post isn't about being Mormon and gay though-that's a different discussion all in itself. This is about love and acceptance though...

My whole life I have searched for love and acceptance. As a child I searched for it in my parents. As I got older I sought it out at school. I did what I needed to do to fit in, and find my way. Making friends and finding your place is so important growing up.... I seek ways to make my family, roommates and my significant other happy, all the while seeking their acceptance, friendship and love. I am pretty sure this isn't unique to me though. Everyone wants love and acceptance. It is human nature.

This bar or club was a place these individuals could go to feel accepted. Anyone who has ever been in a room full of people who understand and accept you for who you are knows how good that makes you feel. Add a little bit of alcohol and some music to that feeling, and you are probably on a temporary cloud 9.

As a missionary I experienced something magical. I haven't seen it since, nor do I recall really seeing it before... but as a missionary I saw good. EVERYWHERE. In EVERYONE. Black, white, male, female, gay straight, Christian or Jewish... I saw so many people with hearts the size of Texas. People who wanted to do good. Wanted to make a difference. People who wanted to have a happy family, and make good choices. My eyes were opened to the beauty of the diversity God has created, and yet, I never felt more united with the human race. That is why I loved being a missionary. I saw everyone I met as Heavenly Father sees them-and I never saw them as a color, race, sexual orientation, or otherwise. I loved them, for who they were, and it took hardly any effort on my part to feel that love.

This is a two fold issue, and they are both connected. Not only was this a crime that was in the disgusting hands of ISIS, but this was also a hate crime against men and women who are homosexual.
ISIS is against christianaity, and apparently homosexuality too. Between Christians and gay men and women, don't we make up more than the majority of the United States? All of us have a common enemy found in ISIS. All of us have a common connection with being human, and wanting love and acceptance. When the terrorist attacks occurred in Paris, everyone was immediately in full support. Changing their profile pictures, donating blood, and sending up prayers to heaven on a hourly basis. Why is this any different? This event happened shortly after I returned home from my mission. I had just learned of the horror our country was about to face because both Trump and Hilary were running for president-and winning. My heart broke. I was seeing two different worlds. A world united in prayer, love and support, and a world polarized because of hate, differences of opinions and pure anger. At that moment I made a choice. No, I made a promise.

I am going to stand for love. Brotherly kindness. Peace.

I am not a hippy. I am not going to hand out flowers while I skip around and I am probably no more capable of changing the world then the next person is... but I want to be an advocate for love. I am not using the word love in terms of marriage. I am using the word love like I would to describe the feelings I have for my family, or for the people I met and taught in Wisconsin. Love in the way that God loved us, and Christ gave His life for all of us-gay or not.

Brothers and Sisters, we have a chance to make a difference here; if we stand together. We have a chance to open our hearts and our minds. Open our arms and invite those who need hugs to come and receive the comfort and love they seek. What happened in Orlando early Sunday morning could break us down. We can divide ourselves between gay rights and anti gay. We can turn our backs on people who in all reality, are just like us... We can be angry, hurtful, bigoted and mean. You do not have to support the lifestyle of a person who identifies themselves as gay. You do not have to agree with a Christian who firmly believes that marriage is between a man and a woman. None of that should play a part in the role all of us have been offered.
We are all human. We have heart beats, finger prints, personalities, and smiles. We are all children of God, created by a divine and perfect Father in Heaven who loves us-unconditionally. This knowledge is powerful, and can be used to bring us together in unity and love... It could also be a part of the division. We are stronger if we stand united. A house divided will surely fall, and I don't know anyone who can disagree that we are already on our way there.

I want my love and prayers to go out to those who struggle. Whether it be with sexual orientation, spiritual questions, or mental illness. Those who struggle because they were personally effected on Sunday, or those who are effected from afar. Those who have had a bad day, month or year.
I do not have to know much about you to know that you deserve love and kindness. I don't have to know your name to know that we are more alike than we realize.

I invite all of those who are turning their backs simply because these victims were gay, to take a step back. Repent if you have to.
These are our brothers and sisters. Someone's child, someone's friend. Why do we have to see each other as the enemy?

We are supposed to stand together and stand tall in crisis. We are supposed to love one another.

Please stop using this as an opportunity to continue to hate someone. We are all in this together. We are all being affected. We all have blood running through our veins and we need to be united.

I don't care who you love or have sex with. I don't care what religion you are. That doesn't disqualify you in any way to be loved by God, or by me.

Orlando, you have my love and support. You are in my prayers. You are a motivation for me to seek ways I can make a positive impact in this world. I am grateful for things that open my eyes to find the good and push away the bad. Thank you for reminding me what I am here for.

<3

Culture and Validity

The question posed to us this week was: "Are all cultures valid?"

First, before we can properly answer that question, we have to ask another question: "What does validity even mean?"

When I type the word 'valid' into the Google search bar it tells me that valid could mean 1 of 3 things:
-Having sound basis in logic or fact; reasonable or cogent
-Legally binding due to having been executed in compliance with the law
-Legally or officially acceptable

As a group of Christian students trying to learn and understand everyone's point of view, we all felt pretty safe raising our hands and answering a unanimous "yes" to the question we were asked. While preparing for a career in therapy, we understand that it is our obligation to have an open mind and heart. No one is the same. We walk different paths and grow up in different places. Our family dynamics vary depending on our economic status or our social class. So to say that one culture is more valid than the other seems wrong to do.

To push our thinking process to dive deep, Brother Williams talked about a scenario that takes place in India (I believe its India, I could be wrong). When the husband dies, the brother or family members of the dead man will tie his wife down, and light her on fire while her children watch her burn to death. No one with any heart, or anyone in their right mind would consider that legal, or socially acceptable by any means...but what about these people? What about this culture? Isn't it totally possible that they believe that God would want them to do this? I mean, after all, when we look at a lot of other religions, they believe in things us Mormons would think was insane.

Believe it or not, I kept my mouth shut for about half the class period before I found a way to relate this to myself and my very core beliefs.
One word came to mind: POLYGAMY.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my interest in the church started with two things. First, I was unbelieveably intriguied by the temple. Second, and more prevelant in my mind, was polygamy. I didn't understand its purpose. I was totally enveloped in the show Big Love, which I can admit to owning the whole series on DVD...
Why did these crazy Mormons need so many wives? It was obviously challenging to have so many women in one household.

What I understand about the principle of polygamy is still very small, but makes sense to me as a Mormon, who knows and has a decent comprehension of our doctrine. At the time polygamy came into play, lots of men were being killed off by angry mobs who were chasing the Mormons out of every town they were trying to settle in. The women were being left alone without the priesthood, and without help to raise the children. God's way of helping those families have all they needed temporally and spiritually was calling specific men to take on more than one wife. According to Brother Williams, only 5% of church members were practicing polygamy at the time, and the first wife had to agree completely with the practice. It wasn't too long that the church banned polygamy. Now of course, there were plenty of families who weren't ready to give up the practice and they branched off and started their own little religion. Some people will say, "The men were pigs and just wanted a lot of women" or "They really believed that this dynamic was from God, and was best for their family".
Either way, it happened, and still occurs today. I am not here to judge them or discuss what they do in the privacy of their own home and land. The lifestyle is intriguing though, is it not?

Again, let me make something clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does not practice polygamy. It simply is not allowed-especially since we are firm believers in living the laws of the land, and polygamy is very illegal.

So, why am I bringing up polygamy? Because I had a desire to relate and understand the emotions and ideas behind this culture that burns their wives to death because her husband dies... Polygamy is a controversial subject often brought up as a posed question to missionaries. I cant tell you how often I asked this question during my investigation, or how often people asked me about it when I was a missionary. Ive thought long and hard about this subject. As a matter of fact I have thought about it for years, and if I think about it too much I can admit to feeling a lot of uneasiness and a lot of anger and frustration. For the sake of my sanity and for the sake of my desire to learn and comprehend things that don't feel normal, I am going to blog about it.

Polygamy is the higher law.
Let me explain.

Men can be sealed to more than one woman in the temple. For instance, if his wife passes away or they get divorced he can be sealed without any question. However, that is not allowed for any woman, no matter the circumstance. The woman must go through a lengthy process to have her sealing annulled in order to be sealed to another man... without going too much into the subject and going off on an unrelateable tangent, I want to use this as an example as to why its easy to justify the Mormon faith or the culture, or why it might even be difficult to do. We aren't 100% correct in all of our choices, nor are we 100% wrong. I can give you the reasons behind the beginning of the practice

Who are we to say that the people in the culture that burns their people, don't firmly believe, as we did in polygamy, that God has commanded them to do so? It is wrong to burn your wife to a crisp, just as it is wrong to be married to more than one person. Of course, these are very different scinereos, I understand that. But, the principle behind them is the same. Is one practice more valid than the other? What damage will be done to those poor children who watch their mother scream in agony as the flames burn her flesh?  How confused must the children in polygamist house holds be, to have several moms, one dad, and 20 something siblings? They feel like that is normal, and sure, they could live happy lives... but what is that teaching them about the proper dynamic of a loyal relationship between husband and wife? What does polygamy do to the self esteem and emotional security of the women when their husband is switching off every night, sleeping in different beds, being with different women?

Perhaps this is only making sense in my head. If you ask me, no matter the culture and the differences they may have, both can be normal and justifiable and both can be damaging beyond understanding. I cant think of any way to justify burning any one alive; but if someone truly believed that God asked them to do so, like He commanded Nephi to slay Laban... wouldn't that be reason enough?
Not for me! Maybe my faith is smaller than the mustard seed, and I should work on that. But.... what about these people living in this culture right now?

I don't know if I have a solid answer for the question, "are all cultures valid?"
Because, if you ask a Mormon if polygamy is valid the answer might be yes. If you ask a Catholic if lent is necessary, they might say yes. If you ask someone about the burial and death of the husband and wife... they just might tell you that its valid and has reasoning behind it..

That is sort of scary... isn't it? I believe the LDS church is true, just as much as a catholic or a Muslim believes their faith is true. It is totally acceptable to get tattoos in todays world, and even a right of passage in some cultures... but if you ask a Mormon, they are unacceptable and considered a sin.

So what is right? What is wrong? Will we ever have 100% proof, backing up our cultural choices?
I don't think we ever will.

Forgive my scattered thoughts, and my drastic examples... however as I thought about these things side by side, I can understand, in a way, why they may believe the way they do....  I understand that culture can be determined by other things than just religion. Being a Mormon has become my culture and my way of life... it has been the reason I do almost everything I do, so it was logical for me to compare my culture and life style with others so I can understand their point of view.

This can go in all sorts of directions, and for the sake of time, space on this blog, and the captivation of anyone who reads this, I will end my thoughts with this:

I believe in the church. I believe in Christ. I believe in His love, mercy and incomprehensible ability to forgive. I don't know how those people will be judged, and I have no 100% fool proof way of explaining what that process will be like. I know that all of us are different, and our paths are going to vary. God knows and understands our individual circumstances, and one way or another, all of us are lead to the truth. I will never understand the thought process of everyone, or the reasons people do the crazy things they do. I will never understand all of God's mysteries as an imperfect human being, and I have come to accept that is just the way it works. That I do know.

If there is one thing I am learning from all of this studying and research, it is the fact that I know very little, and I can afford to stop circling the wagon a bit. All of us, no matter what we do, are God's children. That alone is driving me to open my heart to things I have been closed off to, and I am grateful for that.

The White Picket Fence

I have been thinking a lot lately about the family dynamic I was raised in. I have one single memory of my parents being married and together. Actually, I cant even say I remember them actually being 'together' because this memory feels like two different memories.

When I was 3, my family took a vacation to Disney World. I vividly remember a lot of details about this trip, down to the very night gown I wore to bed. Which, if you were wondering was a blue Pocahontas night shirt. I remember pretty extensive details about being at the swimming pool with my big brother. I remember the "Its a Small World" ride with the creepy dolls, which I happened to love. I remember the Dumbo ride, and going to a restaurant where the floor moved; kind of like the moving sidewalks at the airports. I still am not sure what restaurant this was, but my parents have confirmed that my memory isn't completely wrong.

However, all these details blend with the fact that I believed for a long time I took two separate trips: One with my mom, and one with my dad. Pictures prove that all 4 of us were together the whole time, and the vivid details I just listed are also not a figment of my imagination. Up until I recently started studying psychology along side studies for my major, I was never worried about my family dynamic as a child. I was never curious as to why my memory has separated such a happy thing into two.

In my marriage skills class last semester I had to write a family of origin paper, and think deep and hard about how the things I observed and experienced as a child will effect my marriage, and how I intend to handle it. Writing that paper was sort of like therapy for me. There are a lot of things I never noticed that were effecting me in my current relationships. I want to make one thing clear though, my parents were and still are good parents. I never saw them be harsh to each other, and they worked hard to make sure my brother and I were happy and healthy. In all honesty, divorce was probably the best thing they could have done. Without going into too much detail, it could have been much more damaging for me and my brother to be in a home where the parents are not loving, or happy with each other.

 In class on Thursday we talked about how the husband and wife are together, and they are equal. There is a "white picket fence" around them, creating specific boundaries to help protect and honor that relationship. Underneath them are the children, with another white picket fence around the whole family. The family has sub-systems within its own system, and each system is uniquely and independently important. Lots of couples will say, "my kids come first." Thank goodness they feel that way about their children, right? However, it has recently been drawn to my attention that when children are brought into this world it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain and work on the relationship that started it all. Why is marriage so important? Why does it become even more important when children are brought into the picture?
After all, if the relationship between the mother and the father didn't matter, divorce wouldn't be such a big deal, and neither would the future marriages of those children, right?

My parents divorce has changed my life. I don't have to remember extensive details to realize that because of that divorce the whole "white picket fence" theory was thrown out the window. All 4 of us had to start from scratch. My dad remarried a woman I developed a close relationship with, and her son and I were close enough in age to become very good friends. My mom dated a man for a very long time who had 3 children, and they lived with us for years. I adjusted to this new dynamic rather quickly. I went from having 1 sibling to having 5. Having my own bedroom to sharing it with 3 other children. I learned to share, learned to be the protective "big sister", and I often enjoyed being the leader of the pack. I wasn't a lonely little kid any more! Both of my families did a good job providing love and care for us. Every other weekend, like clock work, I would go from my tiny shared bedroom that was located in the basement of my grandmother's home, to Parker CO, where I had my own bedroom, a cold-a-sac full big houses. I was living two different lives. Both happy, but both very different. When I was about 14 years old I decided to move out of my moms house and in with my dad, and my timing is always impeccable, because my father and step mother had been having problems and chose to divorce. I was completely unaware. Not only did I just see them a couple times a month, but I had become accustomed to turning off my observational skills. I wanted to be happy and have a normal family. I was well aware that my family wasn't "white picket fence". I also had learned to pretend that wasn't the case.

My father has since then re married a wonderful woman, and the family that came with her has been a huge blessing to my father and me. My mother is no longer with my step dad, and again, without going into too much detail, that is for the better of all of us.

You're probably thinking that I am using this blog post as a way to mass invite everyone to my own pity party. Bare with me though.

The thing is, marriage is sacred. Its a bond. Its a covenant. It is a choice you make that will forever effect everyone around you, and everything you do. It changes our views, our minds, and if done sincerely, it will change our hearts.
Why do people get married with divorce as the plan B? Why is it so easy to forget how important the impact a marriage, good or bad, can have?

While on my mission, I saw a lot of happy families. All very different, but so happy. I could say that the gospel was what did it for them. I could easily say that the power of the sealing ordinance was so prevalent in their home; that their marital bond was strictly due to the presence of the Holy Ghost and those temple covenants. I wont say that though because there are plenty of people who do things the "right" way, and still end up in divorce.
This I can say: All of the couples I looked to and admired so greatly, had 3 marital attributes in common: loyalty, humility, and patience.
All three of these attributes stem from charity. A pure love for one another. A desire to serve with or without being asked. A rock hard determination to always communicate, be kind, and put their spouse first. They constantly made an effort, no matter how hard it was, to find time to go on dates, hold a hand, or sneak a kiss. These little rituals, as insignificant as they may sound, honestly make the biggest difference.
All of us have core needs to feel secure, appreciated, and loved... When husband and wife make an effort to fill those needs as much as they can, that white picket fence protecting their relationship gets stronger. They teach their children what love really looks like. They create a safe environment for those children to express themselves, learn to trust, and grow in all the ways they need. They will learn, by observing their parents, how to treat one another, how to solve conflict, how to communicate... Everything they see us do, they do too. If a husband and wife are working on their relationship that white picket fence is built and begins to protect. The home becomes a sanctuary, and a place of refuge for every member living within those walls.

Neither of my parents taught me through example what a healthy and loving marriage looks like. I know that my brother and I both struggle with things like communication, attachment, trust, and who knows what else. I would never point fingers at my parents and blame them for all of my problems. That just wouldn't be fair. I am an adult, and I have learned through out my life how to confront my weaknesses. I cant say that I wouldn't face the things I do if my parents were together and happily married, but I cant dismiss the possibility.

The point I want to make today is that the relationship between husband and wife is absolutely, 100% worth whatever effort it may take. President Thomas S Monson has said, "Choose your love, and love your choice."

Love is a choice. You don't fall in love. That just insinuates you can fall out of love, in which case makes love appear to be on a time bound track. That is just a stupid excuse, and I refuse to fall for that. Do you just "fall out of love" with your children? Does God "fall out of love" with us when we are stupid? No. Of course not.

Love is timeless. Love is eternal. If I am going to be frank, love is a commandment.
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.." (Matthew 22:37-39)
Any commandment given is coupled with our own choice.
To obey, or to not obey.
Why would love be any different? Why would marriage be any different?

Choosing a spouse is perhaps the biggest choice we will ever have to make.

Are we compatible? Will we grow together, in the same direction? What will they be like as parents? Will I still love him when he gets fat and bald? Do I still love her when she has morning breath?

Yes, even the things that seem temporal can be just the thing that throws everything off kilter.

A woman in Racine Wisconsin has been taking care of her husband Dave for about 15 years. After a few strokes, he had lost his ability to speak. He was a double amputee, and was unable to take care of himself at all. Day in, and day out. She chooses every morning and every night to bathe him and change his diapers. I was always in awe when we would visit them, because she never complained. She never batted an eye at any task she was confronted with. As a matter of fact, I often would see her look at him with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes. I remember her telling me once, "Dave is my best friend. He is my eternal companion. If this is what I have to do to show him I love him, and that the promises I made to him when we got married were sincere, I will. I wouldn't trade this life for anything, and I would do it all over again if I got a second chance at life."

That is what marriage is about guys. If you are looking at your future husband or wife and thinking to youself, "if we stay like this forever, I would be the happiest person in the world..."
You have some thinking to do.
Life throws unexpected curveballs at us every day. People get sick. People lose their jobs. Children are born, some with disabilities. Life happens.
Marriage is meant to give us added strength and comfort through the hard times. Marriage is about team work.

What does my "white picket fence" look like?
A husband who loves, supports and encourages me. Takes the time and effort necessary to calm my nerves, and help me stand when I am down. Someone who will defend my honor. Love my children.
My white picket fence isn't a one way street though. It is more of a round-a-bout. We both will work, do whatever it takes to provide a faith-filled loving marriage and family. We will know perfectly that if we choose not to fight, choose not to work, there is an out we can take. An out that will snatch us up and cheer on our pride. An out that will drive out the love and humility we worked so hard to develop in the first place.
Marriage and love go hand in hand with agency. Marriage is supposed to be eternal; without end. If you are really choosing to love someone, you give them all you can, even when things go downhill. Marriage provides the ideal setting for overcoming tendancies to be selfish or self centered. I realize it can be easier said then done.
A part of me is like, "Love is worked for. Love is hard work."
The other part of me though says, "If you really love someone, is divorce really the only way to solve the problems that arise? Isnt there a better way?"

We always have a choice.

I will love him with all my heart, mind and soul, and he will do the same. My children will be raised in a home where they can feel secure, and never doubt the love their family can provide. I don't expect perfection in my family, or anyone else's for that matter.
However, it is my right to have my stakes set high. Who ever I marry will be making the same commitment that is necessary to make a marriage last. A commitment designed to last throughout all eternity.

Who doesn't want that kind of marriage?
Who doesn't want their kids to have parents so loving and loyal to each other it makes them make gagging noises in the back seat of their mini van?

I believe that Christ will always make up for what we lack. Things that go wrong, even when we do give it all we got, will be made up for. We all make mistakes. Life happens. Choices need to be made.
Just like building our faith in God, we need not loose hope in the ability to love and be loved for all that we are. We need not fear that our imperfections will keep us from having that white picket fence. God always grants His children blessings.
Keep your heart open. Don't give up the fight.

Marriage and Babies: Is This Really All I Am Meant to Do?

In class on Tuesday, we were discussing the age of which people are getting married right now, and why that may be significantly impacting the family as a whole. As a homework assignment we had due today, we were asked to watch this documentary titled, New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter. It taught us about how our population is actually on its way to decreasing, and the negative effects this will have on my current generation, our work ethic, our education levels, and yes, our economy. At one point, the documentary discussed women in the work force, women receiving college educations, the use of birth control, the age women were getting married, and how many children they were having. These things have given me a lot to ponder lately, and in attempt to understand where I stand on the matter, I am going to blog about it. This video discussed specifically the way women and their choices are impacting the world, and perhaps even more boldly, the way their choices are impacting family dynamics. Although the documentary was simply displaying reasons why our population is steadily decreasing in relevance to family, the discussion we had in class was making me insanely heated.

To be clear, I wouldn't consider myself a "feminist". Actually, to be perfectly honest, the definition of feminism could be debated and decided on an individual basis. I believe in equality, and I believe in love. I believe in education, I believe in motherhood.

I joined the Mormon church when I was 20 years old. I was young and barley starting out in life as an adult. I was emerged into a culture that was completely new to me. I was meeting young women who were getting married at 18 years old, and by the time they were my age, they had a child or two. Their husbands were perusing their college degrees, and from my observation, the woman were at home with the children. I really admired the appearance of these couples. Although young, they were mature. They worked hard to make their families happy, and that is exactly what I wanted. The church's views on family is one of the things that intrigued me to look into the church in the first place. Now of course this isn't what every situation looks like. There are plenty of young women who weren't married, had no children, and were still in college. Again, this was just my observation.
I always pictured myself married at 23 years old. I assumed I would get baptized, fall in love with someone who served his mission in Africa, and we would get married, have a few kids, and life would be happy and picture perfect.

Lets talk about reality for a second. I am 23. I am not with a man who served his mission in Africa. I am not married, and I have no children. My plan after baptism dramatically changed after I decided to serve an 18 month mission, putting my dating and college education on hold for that time. Not only did my plan change, but so did my opinions and views on basically everything. My mission changed me. I had a companion who had made the choice to come on a mission after graduating college with an impressive engineering degree. She was a strong and confident woman. She was intelligent, tough, and some day I knew would make an excellent wife and mother. She knew that too, but her desires to have a family did not detour her from continuing her education, working in a male dominated field, and reach every goal she has set for herself. She often expressed feeling personal struggle, between wanting to do what the Lord teaches, and still being able to maintain her goals. Would she really have to choose one or the other? I admired her greatly, and ever since our short lived companionship I have thought a lot about what I want for myself, as an individual. As a woman. As a daughter of God. I have wanted to be a wife and a mother since I was about 6 years old, and played house with my friends. I always envisioned myself married with a baby on my hip, and a casserole in the oven. That is the life I have always wanted for myself. As I grew older, and went through different phases of life, I developed a love for learning. As I served my mission in very economically and spiritually poor parts of Wisconsin, I realized I would be well suited for a profession in marriage and family therapy. I wanted to help these people understand how happy their lives could be. I wanted women to gain the confidence and the courage necessary to leave their abusive husbands. I wanted to help these people, and I knew as a missionary I was ridiculously limited in my knowledge and ability to help them in every way possible.

The internal battle I am facing right now is this: Does my church really teach that women are only designed to be mothers? Is my desire to have a career AND be a mother possible to achieve? Why are women looked down upon for wanting to travel, or not being married the moment they become a legal adult?

I instantly recall President Nelson's talk from October 2015 general conference:

"We, your brethren, need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices. The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women who make sacred covenants and then keep them, women who can speak with the power and authority of God!

President Packer declared:

“We need women who are organized and women who can organize. We need women with executive ability who can plan and direct and administer; women who can teach, women who can speak out. …

“We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.”

Today, let me add that we need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world. We need women who are devoted to shepherding God’s children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly."

The first time I heard this, my initial thought was, "Yes! This world needs good women who are powerful and not afraid to embrace their power righteously." I was excited! I still listen to this talk and feel nothing but love come from the Spirit through the brethren who sincerely love the women in the church.

Elder Nelson continues to say, "Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God. We brethren cannot duplicate your unique influence...."

"Take your rightful and needful place in your home, in your community, and in the kingdom of God—more than you ever have before."

In class, my teacher said something that rubbed me the wrong way. In regards to girls being raised to get an education and start a career instead of spending their young adult years looking for a husband, my teacher compared being raised that way to being a girl brought up in the Soviet Union. I am certain that his comment wasn't meant to offend, and probably meant to be sarcastic, but I was taken back quite a bit.

I was automatically questioning myself. Is it my fault that I am not married because I decided to serve a mission when I was 21? Did I ruin my chance to marry? Was I raised wrong to believe that I can be patiently waiting for the right person to come along while I further my education? Why does the culture in the church make me feel so inadequate as a woman? How come it is so wrong to be married a little older?

The Mormon culture, and even the leaders council us to get married young, probably to "avoid the pitfalls of mortality" (Elder Richard G. Scott, April 2011 General Conference). I was raised to marry the right person at the right time in the right place. I was pretty shocked when the majority of my class agreed that the younger you get married the better it is for you. Marriage allows us to grow and learn. It is a commandment that makes us happy. I am excited for the day I can be married to my best friend, but I am okay to wait. Wouldn't it be a better choice to marry a little bit older, than to marry too young, and make crucial mistakes that will affect bringing children into the world? What about the divorce rates of those who marry when they are young? What about the law of chastity? You cant tell me that young people have never made the choice to marry strictly due to the fact that they want to have sex without getting in trouble..... come on...

No one seems to ever talk about these possibilities, however the talk of the town here at BYU-I do, is always, "Oh, why aren't you married?" or, "You should start looking for your spouse soon..."

Why is it such a bad thing to tell your young daughters to focus on their education, work towards their goals, and let God send the right man to them? Why is it so terrible to wait to be married? Why are we being taught to search high and low, putting all of our other responsibilities to the back in order to find someone to marry? Since when was that okay?

Marriage involves someone else's agency. It doesn't matter how well we dress, how we do our hair, what our make up looks like, or how flirty we are... Sometimes God has a different plan. I would hate to be floating around this campus, feeling like my purpose here was nothing greater than a ring on my finger and a wedding announcement in the mail. It can be depressing to wonder when it will be you walking down lovers lane holding someone's hand. Every devotional is centered around the idea of getting married and starting a family, and apparently even our professors are making it seem pretty clear that this is all we are good for.
 Ladies and gentleman, this is the Mormon culture as a young single adult.

What about children?

I've met several married women here on campus who have felt a pressure to begin to have children right away. "I am only 20 years old, I am not ready to be a mother yet!"

My professor posed the question: "What happens to the spirits who don't get to come down here because a woman chooses not to have a child?"
The answers varied from, "Children will still be born in the millennium" or "They will go to someone else."
His response? "If you choose not to have kids, you are making someone's life miserable."
uhhh... what?

The Family a Proclamation to the World tells us, a long with scripture, that the Lord commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth. However, it is still between the Husband, the Wife and the Lord. If they choose to have one child, or one hundred, it is not up to us to judge why they made that choice. Agency is still a huge part of God's plan. I cant imagine He would want us to have children we couldn't afford to take care of, or perhaps even worse-children we didn't want to take care of. Is a child born in a home where their parents are neglecting them, really better than not having them at all?
I understand that all of God's children need and deserve a chance to come to earth and have this experience; but I can not get behind the idea that the choice of someone would completely de-rail God's plan for so many of His children. There are families who simply can't afford to raise more than a couple of children. Are they really making someone else's life miserable?

Women are being told that they cant "have it all". We must decide which we would prefer. Do we choose to receive a masters degree and become a Doctor or a Lawyer? Or, do we kiss those dreams good bye the moment that pregnancy stick gives us those two little lines?
Any career takes some form of sacrifice. We pay thousands of dollars and spend countless hours studying, losing sleep and our social lives, in order to graduate and get the job we have always wanted. Anyone who has ever believed that college is a breeze, has obviously never been to college. We make these sacrifices because we understand its importance-it makes us feel good about ourselves, teaches us discipline and allows us to develop a sense of self worth.

Parenthood, is also a sacrifice. Women surrender their body for 9 months, experiencing hormonal, physical, and emotional changes that impact her forever. Babies need constant attention and love. It is up to us to teach them how to walk, talk, write, tie their shoes, and some day, be a good citizen in their community. Parents pay for soccer games, dance lessons, birthday parties and all sorts of things just to see their children happy. Parenthood, coupled with marriage, teaches us to be selfless. It prepares us for Eternal life. It is the biggest sacrifice we will ever have to make.

Writing about it makes my heart melt. I cant wait to be a mother-and I know I will be a dang good one. I also feel a sickness in the pit of my stomach because I fear that some day, all the hopes and dreams I have made for myself the past 23 years will have to be disregarded if I choose to have a family. I shouldn't feel so torn and so upset. Why cant I have both a career and a family? Am I really so wrong to have these desires? We are counseled to receive an education, right? I would feel silly to have sacrificed all of this time, sleep and money for a piece of paper that I never utilize to help God's children. My career will help provide for the family that I would give my life for. I want to teach my daughters that if they work hard, they can be successful. Their dreams can come true if they move forward in faith, and put their back into it! What kind of example would I be setting for my children if I gave up the fight the moment I decided to bring them into this world? The influence of a good woman is never dismissed. Mothers have the most incredible honor, and I do not want anyone to believe for a second that I am grumpy about women who choose to stay home with their children OR women who choose to have a career. I believe that we can have both of those things.


Brothers and Sisters, we need to be sensitive and careful when discussing the family dynamics of the world-especially within the church. We are all individuals with specific reasons we are here on this earth. All of us have been commanded to marry and have children, and really, that is the biggest blessing we have been allotted. However, our worth should not be defined by how soon we got married, or how many children we have. We should not have to feel ashamed for our desire to improve ourselves or achieve our goals.

Men, if you want to stay at home with your kids while your wife works, I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. If its best for your family that she stays home, that is okay too-make sure she knows that her worth is greater than what she may believe. If you aren't ready to get married just yet, if you have some things you need to work on- that is okay too. Do not feel like you need to marry the first girl that comes along just because we are told to marry. This blog isn't just about women-you are important too. Like I said, I am not a feminist. I believe in equality. I believe in agency.

Do what the Lord needs YOU to do. If you need to serve a mission, go to college, take a break or whatever else, please, do not let the judgements and thoughts of other people be the reason you don't (or the reason you do).
Marry someone you love. Someone you support, admire, respect and adore. Have children because you want to be a parent, and desire to begin a family with that wonderful person you chose to love. Keep God in the center, counsel together with him ALWAYS. Everyone has a different path that will take us to the same destination *fingers crossed*

I really do believe that families are forever. Love is eternal. I believe that we have been blessed with all kinds of opportunities because God loves us so much, and wants us to utilize all of the tools He has given us so that we may learn to be like Him. He created us in His image... That means we are capeable of INCREDIBLE THINGS. Please know that you are divine and have infinite potential and worth. Please know that this life is meant to be enjoyed, and meant to bring love from all sorts of angles. Whatever your choice is, whatever you feel is right, know that Heavenly Father loves you.
Always move forward in faith, and stand firm in your conviction.
<3

What's the Big Deal?

Growing up I have always had a problem with who I am. I've never been skinny enough, tall enough, smart enough or pretty enough. These are deep rooted insecurities I struggle with on a daily basis. I wear make up and curl my hair in attempt to make up for the beauty I lack. The scale is my constant enemy and never my friend (especially since I am always down for a bacon cheese burger, French fries and a root beer float). I wear high heals to make up for the height I definitely don't have. I study my butt off to get the grades I want, and still cant manage to snag a 4.0

The fact of the matter is, I will never be perfect. Never. Not even if I pray, fast, study, run, get plastic surgery, or whatever else I can do to fix what makes me hate myself. The other half of this very real truth is that God created me. I am His daughter, His perfect creation. I was well thought out, perfectly designed. The imperfect body I am living in is only a temporary shell, and some day, all the things that are wrong, will be made right. No amount of make up, money, or desire to change will ever make it okay in my Heavenly Father's eyes, that I am completely dissatisfied with the life I have been given. Of course God wants me to be happy. He will never discredit our desire to be happy with who we are and what our lives are made of. However, I cant believe God is okay with us abandoning our true identity as His divine children.

This blog post is not one required for class (those will probably start up in the next couple of weeks.)

After watching this video in class:
College Kids Say the Darndest things: On Identity

I have been thinking so much about the importance of how we view ourselves and other people as children of God. I know what it feels like to be so uncomfortable with who you are, that the only option you feel like you have is to lock yourself in your room, Netflix binge, and hide away from the world. I know what it feels like to be fully convinced you have no worth. No one deserves to feel that way. I cant say I support the choice to change your gender and then have a rally to have your own bathroom-I honestly don't know how I feel about the matter. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't give a funky look, or have a negative thought about someone if they told me they were a 7 year old girl, when they clearly where a 30 year old man. Perhaps the problems are bigger than we can see or understand.

Satan is twisting eternal truths, and making us drift from absolute truth. What I know to be true has came to me through the Spirit because of fervent study and prayer. I know God is real, and has designed each of us for specific purposes, specifically the purpose of falling in love, getting married, and starting a family. However, the world is constantly telling us that who we are is not good enough, and what makes this so sad, is that all of us are guilty of believing it. I wish we could see ourselves as we really are; divine, beautiful, and worthy. I wish we would stop believing that we need to be a different gender, different race, height, weight, or someone else all together in order to feel loved or wanted. That is just NOT TRUE. We are surrounded by people who love us no matter the imperfection. We have a Father in Heaven who loves us perfectly, and only sees the good we are and can become.

So what is the big deal about being transgender? What's the big deal about choosing who we want to be? The big deal is that we are living in a world where we are forgetting the importance of being unkind. We are forgetting the impact our words and actions can have on the heart and soul of the people around us. Like I said, I am not sure if I really have an opinion about the matter, but there is one thing I stand firm on: I choose to be kind. If no one is causing harm to me, my family, or anyone else, I see no reason to be hurtful, mean, or discriminatory towards people and the choices they make. Only Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father can be the one to apply any kind of judgements on these people. As a Christian it is my obligation to love those around me regardless of their choices (unless harm and hurt is what they are after).

I want to make one thing clear: If you want to identify yourself as a dragon, a child, a male, female, a chair or what have you... you are still loved by God. If you want to cover yourself in tattoos, pierce every orifice of your body,  or whatever you desire, you are still loved by God.
Remember that these things do not change the perfect, divine, unique, spirit that is within that temporary shell. What the world says is okay, or what the world says is ugly or not good enough, is exactly the opposite of what is real and true. Some day, all of these trials and misfortunes will be put to rest. Life is about endurance, and learning to be happy while we push through all that pains and limits us.

Seek truth.
Seek love.
Seek light.

but for the love... don't seek temporary happiness.
Seek Joy.