Mind for a Mop-The Dilemma of being a Stay at Home Mom

I have a previous post about my opinions of women and their current role in our society, and that post was more of a soap box rant than anything... If you would like to read it, you can view it here:
Marriage and Babies- Is this really all I am worth?


In class this week we discussed a few things. Finances, tithing, mother and fathers roles with their children.... but perhaps the most important thing we discussed was the choice women all over America are making every day; Do I, or don't I, be a stay at home mother?

Studies have concluded that the impact in the home is negative when the mother has to work. Most of that toll comes because there is already financial woes and stress in the home and the mother has to work in order to work in order to maintain their lifestyle. The Family a Proclamation to the World makes it pretty clear that a mothers job is to nurture and love. We are taught that the wife holds the responsibility of providing a home where the Spirit can dwell, and the gospel can be taught. It is the Fathers job to provide, put the food on the table so to speak. Both husband and wife are still (or they should be) an equal partnership. Both providing natural love and affection towards each other and their children, as well as making sure that the home is temporally and spiritually in tact. We are taught to get an education, gain as much knowledge as possible. After all, our families and our knowledge come with us into the next life, don't they?

Someone might be asking, "So what is the big deal about being a stay at home mom then? Why wouldn't you want to be at home with your family?"

Unfortunately, it is not always that simple. At least it doesn't feel that simple to me. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. In fact, I am sure that there is nothing in this world more important to me that achieving those two things. The churches teachings about the family is a part of the reason I was so drawn to it to begin with! Along with my desire to be a wife and a mother, I have gained a desire to have the opportunity to watch my children grow. I don't want a baby sitter being the one to see their first steps, or see them loose their first tooth. I want to be with my children. In conjunction with my husband I want to be the one to raise them, teach them what is right and true, and develop close family ties; ties I never had growing up.

I also love to learn. School has been a wild ride for me, and has been a healthy expression of my intellect and ability to put my intelligence to some good use. Not only do I intend to graduate and receive a bachelors degree, but there is a possibility I will want to go even further and receive my masters... there is nothing wrong with that.

What do I do when I get married and begin to have children? Do I put school on hold? Do I drop out all together? That doesn't seem like something I want to do... Maybe I should press through, continue to do what I do and learn to balance home life and my school. Oh but wait! Ill be newly married! I am young! Do I quit my job? Take a few hours off my work week? Or do I keep doing what I am doing?
Of course this is a matter to be discussed with my husband and taken to the Lord in fervent prayer. As a matter of fact, my professor has suggested that these questions should be discussed even in courtship with my significant other-these questions and concerns are that big of a deal.

Every circumstance is different. The Family a Proclamation to the World has told us that as a family we may have to adjust in order to fufill our shared responsibilities as a family if the circumstance requires it. What if the husband looses his job? Gets injured? What if you get divorced? What if something happens... what do you do? How do you prepare?

When I imagine myself in this position I cant help but to feel the extreme importance of receiving my own education- at the very least in order to give me something to fall back on in an emergency situation. Then I think about the money I am spending in order to achieve this degree, and I think to myself, "boy what a waste it would be if I didn't graduate and move toward a career of some sort..." No one ever regrets not working more in their life, but they always wish they could have spent more time with their family. But... does that mean that I should stop dead in my tracks when I start my family? How can I be sure that I am really doing what is best for them?

I am hoping to be the kind of mother that will make whatever sacrifice is necessary to provide love, support, and whatever else they stand in need of, to my family. We are all aware that being a parent is all about sacrifice. So is marriage. Lots of things in this life require sacrifice of some form. I am a selfish person, and being a parent will probably root a lot of that selfishness right out of me... but is it so wrong to want to continue my education? Pursue a career? Want to work, at least a little bit?
At this moment in my life I feel pretty grateful I don't have to make that choice right now. My mom worked when I was growing up, but never once did I feel neglected, or ignored. I learned how to read at an early age. I can write, spell, tie my shoes, and lo and behold, I am a decent adult today! Would I be incredibky different if she ws able to stay at home with me full time? Its possible, but I turned out just fine if you ask me!

The independent women inside of me feels like I would be trading my mind for a mop the moment I decided to not work at all. I know that is not true though, being a stay at home mom is busy! It absolutely is a full time job and then some, and those kids are blessed and happy! At the same time though, I know those women crave something else sometimes. Perhaps more adult conversation, a way to serve, or at least a shower that isn't interrupted! Would it be so terrible for their sanity if they took some online classes, did a service project, or worked a few hours a week? Would it really break down their marriage and their childrens understanding of stability and security? I don't know...

To all of you mothers out there, single or married, I applaud you. Being a mother is the highest and most important calling there is and ever will be! You do so much and often lack the appreciation you deserve. You are in my prayers. If you are faced with this choice to stay at home, or to not, I want you to know that you DO get a say in the matter, and the Lord will not misguide you and your husband if you council with Him together. If you have to work, due to whatever unfortunate circumstance, again, you are in my prayers. You are doing what youre supposed to do-provide all you can for your family. If you are spent, worn out, exhausted and confsed, remember that family life is eternal life. You may not have the ideal situation. Seldom are we that lucky. Trials in life come to teach us, and help us grow. I know I am growing and learning much more than I anticipated and I am not yet a wife or a mother. Think of the eternal consequences-and I am talking about the good happy ones!

No matter your choice, no matter your circumstance, know one thing. If you choose to stay at home, that doesn't make you any less of a woman. That does not rid you of your intelligence and capability to make a difference in your community, or even the world. If you choose to get an education and work, that does not make you a bad wife and mother. That does not rob you of the divine blessing and honor of motherhood, or make you any less deserving of such a wonderful thing.

You are important. You have a say. You have a choice.
Just remember that