Culture and Validity

The question posed to us this week was: "Are all cultures valid?"

First, before we can properly answer that question, we have to ask another question: "What does validity even mean?"

When I type the word 'valid' into the Google search bar it tells me that valid could mean 1 of 3 things:
-Having sound basis in logic or fact; reasonable or cogent
-Legally binding due to having been executed in compliance with the law
-Legally or officially acceptable

As a group of Christian students trying to learn and understand everyone's point of view, we all felt pretty safe raising our hands and answering a unanimous "yes" to the question we were asked. While preparing for a career in therapy, we understand that it is our obligation to have an open mind and heart. No one is the same. We walk different paths and grow up in different places. Our family dynamics vary depending on our economic status or our social class. So to say that one culture is more valid than the other seems wrong to do.

To push our thinking process to dive deep, Brother Williams talked about a scenario that takes place in India (I believe its India, I could be wrong). When the husband dies, the brother or family members of the dead man will tie his wife down, and light her on fire while her children watch her burn to death. No one with any heart, or anyone in their right mind would consider that legal, or socially acceptable by any means...but what about these people? What about this culture? Isn't it totally possible that they believe that God would want them to do this? I mean, after all, when we look at a lot of other religions, they believe in things us Mormons would think was insane.

Believe it or not, I kept my mouth shut for about half the class period before I found a way to relate this to myself and my very core beliefs.
One word came to mind: POLYGAMY.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my interest in the church started with two things. First, I was unbelieveably intriguied by the temple. Second, and more prevelant in my mind, was polygamy. I didn't understand its purpose. I was totally enveloped in the show Big Love, which I can admit to owning the whole series on DVD...
Why did these crazy Mormons need so many wives? It was obviously challenging to have so many women in one household.

What I understand about the principle of polygamy is still very small, but makes sense to me as a Mormon, who knows and has a decent comprehension of our doctrine. At the time polygamy came into play, lots of men were being killed off by angry mobs who were chasing the Mormons out of every town they were trying to settle in. The women were being left alone without the priesthood, and without help to raise the children. God's way of helping those families have all they needed temporally and spiritually was calling specific men to take on more than one wife. According to Brother Williams, only 5% of church members were practicing polygamy at the time, and the first wife had to agree completely with the practice. It wasn't too long that the church banned polygamy. Now of course, there were plenty of families who weren't ready to give up the practice and they branched off and started their own little religion. Some people will say, "The men were pigs and just wanted a lot of women" or "They really believed that this dynamic was from God, and was best for their family".
Either way, it happened, and still occurs today. I am not here to judge them or discuss what they do in the privacy of their own home and land. The lifestyle is intriguing though, is it not?

Again, let me make something clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does not practice polygamy. It simply is not allowed-especially since we are firm believers in living the laws of the land, and polygamy is very illegal.

So, why am I bringing up polygamy? Because I had a desire to relate and understand the emotions and ideas behind this culture that burns their wives to death because her husband dies... Polygamy is a controversial subject often brought up as a posed question to missionaries. I cant tell you how often I asked this question during my investigation, or how often people asked me about it when I was a missionary. Ive thought long and hard about this subject. As a matter of fact I have thought about it for years, and if I think about it too much I can admit to feeling a lot of uneasiness and a lot of anger and frustration. For the sake of my sanity and for the sake of my desire to learn and comprehend things that don't feel normal, I am going to blog about it.

Polygamy is the higher law.
Let me explain.

Men can be sealed to more than one woman in the temple. For instance, if his wife passes away or they get divorced he can be sealed without any question. However, that is not allowed for any woman, no matter the circumstance. The woman must go through a lengthy process to have her sealing annulled in order to be sealed to another man... without going too much into the subject and going off on an unrelateable tangent, I want to use this as an example as to why its easy to justify the Mormon faith or the culture, or why it might even be difficult to do. We aren't 100% correct in all of our choices, nor are we 100% wrong. I can give you the reasons behind the beginning of the practice

Who are we to say that the people in the culture that burns their people, don't firmly believe, as we did in polygamy, that God has commanded them to do so? It is wrong to burn your wife to a crisp, just as it is wrong to be married to more than one person. Of course, these are very different scinereos, I understand that. But, the principle behind them is the same. Is one practice more valid than the other? What damage will be done to those poor children who watch their mother scream in agony as the flames burn her flesh?  How confused must the children in polygamist house holds be, to have several moms, one dad, and 20 something siblings? They feel like that is normal, and sure, they could live happy lives... but what is that teaching them about the proper dynamic of a loyal relationship between husband and wife? What does polygamy do to the self esteem and emotional security of the women when their husband is switching off every night, sleeping in different beds, being with different women?

Perhaps this is only making sense in my head. If you ask me, no matter the culture and the differences they may have, both can be normal and justifiable and both can be damaging beyond understanding. I cant think of any way to justify burning any one alive; but if someone truly believed that God asked them to do so, like He commanded Nephi to slay Laban... wouldn't that be reason enough?
Not for me! Maybe my faith is smaller than the mustard seed, and I should work on that. But.... what about these people living in this culture right now?

I don't know if I have a solid answer for the question, "are all cultures valid?"
Because, if you ask a Mormon if polygamy is valid the answer might be yes. If you ask a Catholic if lent is necessary, they might say yes. If you ask someone about the burial and death of the husband and wife... they just might tell you that its valid and has reasoning behind it..

That is sort of scary... isn't it? I believe the LDS church is true, just as much as a catholic or a Muslim believes their faith is true. It is totally acceptable to get tattoos in todays world, and even a right of passage in some cultures... but if you ask a Mormon, they are unacceptable and considered a sin.

So what is right? What is wrong? Will we ever have 100% proof, backing up our cultural choices?
I don't think we ever will.

Forgive my scattered thoughts, and my drastic examples... however as I thought about these things side by side, I can understand, in a way, why they may believe the way they do....  I understand that culture can be determined by other things than just religion. Being a Mormon has become my culture and my way of life... it has been the reason I do almost everything I do, so it was logical for me to compare my culture and life style with others so I can understand their point of view.

This can go in all sorts of directions, and for the sake of time, space on this blog, and the captivation of anyone who reads this, I will end my thoughts with this:

I believe in the church. I believe in Christ. I believe in His love, mercy and incomprehensible ability to forgive. I don't know how those people will be judged, and I have no 100% fool proof way of explaining what that process will be like. I know that all of us are different, and our paths are going to vary. God knows and understands our individual circumstances, and one way or another, all of us are lead to the truth. I will never understand the thought process of everyone, or the reasons people do the crazy things they do. I will never understand all of God's mysteries as an imperfect human being, and I have come to accept that is just the way it works. That I do know.

If there is one thing I am learning from all of this studying and research, it is the fact that I know very little, and I can afford to stop circling the wagon a bit. All of us, no matter what we do, are God's children. That alone is driving me to open my heart to things I have been closed off to, and I am grateful for that.