Growing up I have always had a problem with who I am. I've never been skinny enough, tall enough, smart enough or pretty enough. These are deep rooted insecurities I struggle with on a daily basis. I wear make up and curl my hair in attempt to make up for the beauty I lack. The scale is my constant enemy and never my friend (especially since I am always down for a bacon cheese burger, French fries and a root beer float). I wear high heals to make up for the height I definitely don't have. I study my butt off to get the grades I want, and still cant manage to snag a 4.0
The fact of the matter is, I will never be perfect. Never. Not even if I pray, fast, study, run, get plastic surgery, or whatever else I can do to fix what makes me hate myself. The other half of this very real truth is that God created me. I am His daughter, His perfect creation. I was well thought out, perfectly designed. The imperfect body I am living in is only a temporary shell, and some day, all the things that are wrong, will be made right. No amount of make up, money, or desire to change will ever make it okay in my Heavenly Father's eyes, that I am completely dissatisfied with the life I have been given. Of course God wants me to be happy. He will never discredit our desire to be happy with who we are and what our lives are made of. However, I cant believe God is okay with us abandoning our true identity as His divine children.
This blog post is not one required for class (those will probably start up in the next couple of weeks.)
After watching this video in class:
College Kids Say the Darndest things: On Identity
I have been thinking so much about the importance of how we view ourselves and other people as children of God. I know what it feels like to be so uncomfortable with who you are, that the only option you feel like you have is to lock yourself in your room, Netflix binge, and hide away from the world. I know what it feels like to be fully convinced you have no worth. No one deserves to feel that way. I cant say I support the choice to change your gender and then have a rally to have your own bathroom-I honestly don't know how I feel about the matter. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't give a funky look, or have a negative thought about someone if they told me they were a 7 year old girl, when they clearly where a 30 year old man. Perhaps the problems are bigger than we can see or understand.
Satan is twisting eternal truths, and making us drift from absolute truth. What I know to be true has came to me through the Spirit because of fervent study and prayer. I know God is real, and has designed each of us for specific purposes, specifically the purpose of falling in love, getting married, and starting a family. However, the world is constantly telling us that who we are is not good enough, and what makes this so sad, is that all of us are guilty of believing it. I wish we could see ourselves as we really are; divine, beautiful, and worthy. I wish we would stop believing that we need to be a different gender, different race, height, weight, or someone else all together in order to feel loved or wanted. That is just NOT TRUE. We are surrounded by people who love us no matter the imperfection. We have a Father in Heaven who loves us perfectly, and only sees the good we are and can become.
So what is the big deal about being transgender? What's the big deal about choosing who we want to be? The big deal is that we are living in a world where we are forgetting the importance of being unkind. We are forgetting the impact our words and actions can have on the heart and soul of the people around us. Like I said, I am not sure if I really have an opinion about the matter, but there is one thing I stand firm on: I choose to be kind. If no one is causing harm to me, my family, or anyone else, I see no reason to be hurtful, mean, or discriminatory towards people and the choices they make. Only Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father can be the one to apply any kind of judgements on these people. As a Christian it is my obligation to love those around me regardless of their choices (unless harm and hurt is what they are after).
I want to make one thing clear: If you want to identify yourself as a dragon, a child, a male, female, a chair or what have you... you are still loved by God. If you want to cover yourself in tattoos, pierce every orifice of your body, or whatever you desire, you are still loved by God.
Remember that these things do not change the perfect, divine, unique, spirit that is within that temporary shell. What the world says is okay, or what the world says is ugly or not good enough, is exactly the opposite of what is real and true. Some day, all of these trials and misfortunes will be put to rest. Life is about endurance, and learning to be happy while we push through all that pains and limits us.
Seek truth.
Seek love.
Seek light.
but for the love... don't seek temporary happiness.
Seek Joy.
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Interesting. That interview on a University campus didn't include something important: is that campus one that focuses on "tolerance?" I guess "tolerance" is the term that is used in higher education institutions in the place of "compassion." Do you really think that tattoos and piercings do not influence the spirit inside of the imperfect mortal body? I'm not certain I have answers to these questions either. I try to be compassionate and understanding. But when there's obvious difference between truth and what someone is saying, I struggle not to argue with them or to at least say something in response.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you grew up not feeling acceptable, disliking yourself.
So did I. At least I can point to one clear source for my thoughts and feelings in that direction. And now I know for certain without a doubt that that is not how Heavenly Father feels about me.
I've been thinking a lot lately about a dear friend's brother who is gay and married to a pretty nice guy. I have an acquaintance who may be a lesbian, living with a female partner. I feel sad when I think about them.
I still wonder what drove their decisions. In one case, it was clear all that person's life, to their family, that that person was homosexual.
I know someone who's a member who I consider to have some "homosexual tendencies." There are gestures, the way they talk. But I have no reason to think that person actually considers themselves that way. I sometimes ask myself, why do I think this or that thing they did or said is more feminine than masculine? Only because I've observed people I know to be homosexual to do or say those things, or because I've seen women do things in a similar, less flamboyant manner.
I hope you've seen positive growth in your self-image as you've considered yourself a Daughter of God. I sure appreciate you, and you are not unattractive, in my humble & same-gender opinion. I don't remember you being "too short." Then again, I wish I was shorter, and I'm apparently average in height.