The question posed to us this week was: "Are all cultures valid?"
First, before we can properly answer that question, we have to ask another question: "What does validity even mean?"
When I type the word 'valid' into the Google search bar it tells me that valid could mean 1 of 3 things:
-Having sound basis in logic or fact; reasonable or cogent
-Legally binding due to having been executed in compliance with the law
-Legally or officially acceptable
As a group of Christian students trying to learn and understand everyone's point of view, we all felt pretty safe raising our hands and answering a unanimous "yes" to the question we were asked. While preparing for a career in therapy, we understand that it is our obligation to have an open mind and heart. No one is the same. We walk different paths and grow up in different places. Our family dynamics vary depending on our economic status or our social class. So to say that one culture is more valid than the other seems wrong to do.
To push our thinking process to dive deep, Brother Williams talked about a scenario that takes place in India (I believe its India, I could be wrong). When the husband dies, the brother or family members of the dead man will tie his wife down, and light her on fire while her children watch her burn to death. No one with any heart, or anyone in their right mind would consider that legal, or socially acceptable by any means...but what about these people? What about this culture? Isn't it totally possible that they believe that God would want them to do this? I mean, after all, when we look at a lot of other religions, they believe in things us Mormons would think was insane.
Believe it or not, I kept my mouth shut for about half the class period before I found a way to relate this to myself and my very core beliefs.
One word came to mind: POLYGAMY.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my interest in the church started with two things. First, I was unbelieveably intriguied by the temple. Second, and more prevelant in my mind, was polygamy. I didn't understand its purpose. I was totally enveloped in the show Big Love, which I can admit to owning the whole series on DVD...
Why did these crazy Mormons need so many wives? It was obviously challenging to have so many women in one household.
What I understand about the principle of polygamy is still very small, but makes sense to me as a Mormon, who knows and has a decent comprehension of our doctrine. At the time polygamy came into play, lots of men were being killed off by angry mobs who were chasing the Mormons out of every town they were trying to settle in. The women were being left alone without the priesthood, and without help to raise the children. God's way of helping those families have all they needed temporally and spiritually was calling specific men to take on more than one wife. According to Brother Williams, only 5% of church members were practicing polygamy at the time, and the first wife had to agree completely with the practice. It wasn't too long that the church banned polygamy. Now of course, there were plenty of families who weren't ready to give up the practice and they branched off and started their own little religion. Some people will say, "The men were pigs and just wanted a lot of women" or "They really believed that this dynamic was from God, and was best for their family".
Either way, it happened, and still occurs today. I am not here to judge them or discuss what they do in the privacy of their own home and land. The lifestyle is intriguing though, is it not?
Again, let me make something clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does not practice polygamy. It simply is not allowed-especially since we are firm believers in living the laws of the land, and polygamy is very illegal.
So, why am I bringing up polygamy? Because I had a desire to relate and understand the emotions and ideas behind this culture that burns their wives to death because her husband dies... Polygamy is a controversial subject often brought up as a posed question to missionaries. I cant tell you how often I asked this question during my investigation, or how often people asked me about it when I was a missionary. Ive thought long and hard about this subject. As a matter of fact I have thought about it for years, and if I think about it too much I can admit to feeling a lot of uneasiness and a lot of anger and frustration. For the sake of my sanity and for the sake of my desire to learn and comprehend things that don't feel normal, I am going to blog about it.
Polygamy is the higher law.
Let me explain.
Men can be sealed to more than one woman in the temple. For instance, if his wife passes away or they get divorced he can be sealed without any question. However, that is not allowed for any woman, no matter the circumstance. The woman must go through a lengthy process to have her sealing annulled in order to be sealed to another man... without going too much into the subject and going off on an unrelateable tangent, I want to use this as an example as to why its easy to justify the Mormon faith or the culture, or why it might even be difficult to do. We aren't 100% correct in all of our choices, nor are we 100% wrong. I can give you the reasons behind the beginning of the practice
Who are we to say that the people in the culture that burns their people, don't firmly believe, as we did in polygamy, that God has commanded them to do so? It is wrong to burn your wife to a crisp, just as it is wrong to be married to more than one person. Of course, these are very different scinereos, I understand that. But, the principle behind them is the same. Is one practice more valid than the other? What damage will be done to those poor children who watch their mother scream in agony as the flames burn her flesh? How confused must the children in polygamist house holds be, to have several moms, one dad, and 20 something siblings? They feel like that is normal, and sure, they could live happy lives... but what is that teaching them about the proper dynamic of a loyal relationship between husband and wife? What does polygamy do to the self esteem and emotional security of the women when their husband is switching off every night, sleeping in different beds, being with different women?
Perhaps this is only making sense in my head. If you ask me, no matter the culture and the differences they may have, both can be normal and justifiable and both can be damaging beyond understanding. I cant think of any way to justify burning any one alive; but if someone truly believed that God asked them to do so, like He commanded Nephi to slay Laban... wouldn't that be reason enough?
Not for me! Maybe my faith is smaller than the mustard seed, and I should work on that. But.... what about these people living in this culture right now?
I don't know if I have a solid answer for the question, "are all cultures valid?"
Because, if you ask a Mormon if polygamy is valid the answer might be yes. If you ask a Catholic if lent is necessary, they might say yes. If you ask someone about the burial and death of the husband and wife... they just might tell you that its valid and has reasoning behind it..
That is sort of scary... isn't it? I believe the LDS church is true, just as much as a catholic or a Muslim believes their faith is true. It is totally acceptable to get tattoos in todays world, and even a right of passage in some cultures... but if you ask a Mormon, they are unacceptable and considered a sin.
So what is right? What is wrong? Will we ever have 100% proof, backing up our cultural choices?
I don't think we ever will.
Forgive my scattered thoughts, and my drastic examples... however as I thought about these things side by side, I can understand, in a way, why they may believe the way they do.... I understand that culture can be determined by other things than just religion. Being a Mormon has become my culture and my way of life... it has been the reason I do almost everything I do, so it was logical for me to compare my culture and life style with others so I can understand their point of view.
This can go in all sorts of directions, and for the sake of time, space on this blog, and the captivation of anyone who reads this, I will end my thoughts with this:
I believe in the church. I believe in Christ. I believe in His love, mercy and incomprehensible ability to forgive. I don't know how those people will be judged, and I have no 100% fool proof way of explaining what that process will be like. I know that all of us are different, and our paths are going to vary. God knows and understands our individual circumstances, and one way or another, all of us are lead to the truth. I will never understand the thought process of everyone, or the reasons people do the crazy things they do. I will never understand all of God's mysteries as an imperfect human being, and I have come to accept that is just the way it works. That I do know.
If there is one thing I am learning from all of this studying and research, it is the fact that I know very little, and I can afford to stop circling the wagon a bit. All of us, no matter what we do, are God's children. That alone is driving me to open my heart to things I have been closed off to, and I am grateful for that.
Culture and Validity
Saturday, May 7, 2016
I have been thinking a lot lately about the family dynamic I was raised in. I have one single memory of my parents being married and together. Actually, I cant even say I remember them actually being 'together' because this memory feels like two different memories.
When I was 3, my family took a vacation to Disney World. I vividly remember a lot of details about this trip, down to the very night gown I wore to bed. Which, if you were wondering was a blue Pocahontas night shirt. I remember pretty extensive details about being at the swimming pool with my big brother. I remember the "Its a Small World" ride with the creepy dolls, which I happened to love. I remember the Dumbo ride, and going to a restaurant where the floor moved; kind of like the moving sidewalks at the airports. I still am not sure what restaurant this was, but my parents have confirmed that my memory isn't completely wrong.
However, all these details blend with the fact that I believed for a long time I took two separate trips: One with my mom, and one with my dad. Pictures prove that all 4 of us were together the whole time, and the vivid details I just listed are also not a figment of my imagination. Up until I recently started studying psychology along side studies for my major, I was never worried about my family dynamic as a child. I was never curious as to why my memory has separated such a happy thing into two.
In my marriage skills class last semester I had to write a family of origin paper, and think deep and hard about how the things I observed and experienced as a child will effect my marriage, and how I intend to handle it. Writing that paper was sort of like therapy for me. There are a lot of things I never noticed that were effecting me in my current relationships. I want to make one thing clear though, my parents were and still are good parents. I never saw them be harsh to each other, and they worked hard to make sure my brother and I were happy and healthy. In all honesty, divorce was probably the best thing they could have done. Without going into too much detail, it could have been much more damaging for me and my brother to be in a home where the parents are not loving, or happy with each other.
In class on Thursday we talked about how the husband and wife are together, and they are equal. There is a "white picket fence" around them, creating specific boundaries to help protect and honor that relationship. Underneath them are the children, with another white picket fence around the whole family. The family has sub-systems within its own system, and each system is uniquely and independently important. Lots of couples will say, "my kids come first." Thank goodness they feel that way about their children, right? However, it has recently been drawn to my attention that when children are brought into this world it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain and work on the relationship that started it all. Why is marriage so important? Why does it become even more important when children are brought into the picture?
After all, if the relationship between the mother and the father didn't matter, divorce wouldn't be such a big deal, and neither would the future marriages of those children, right?
My parents divorce has changed my life. I don't have to remember extensive details to realize that because of that divorce the whole "white picket fence" theory was thrown out the window. All 4 of us had to start from scratch. My dad remarried a woman I developed a close relationship with, and her son and I were close enough in age to become very good friends. My mom dated a man for a very long time who had 3 children, and they lived with us for years. I adjusted to this new dynamic rather quickly. I went from having 1 sibling to having 5. Having my own bedroom to sharing it with 3 other children. I learned to share, learned to be the protective "big sister", and I often enjoyed being the leader of the pack. I wasn't a lonely little kid any more! Both of my families did a good job providing love and care for us. Every other weekend, like clock work, I would go from my tiny shared bedroom that was located in the basement of my grandmother's home, to Parker CO, where I had my own bedroom, a cold-a-sac full big houses. I was living two different lives. Both happy, but both very different. When I was about 14 years old I decided to move out of my moms house and in with my dad, and my timing is always impeccable, because my father and step mother had been having problems and chose to divorce. I was completely unaware. Not only did I just see them a couple times a month, but I had become accustomed to turning off my observational skills. I wanted to be happy and have a normal family. I was well aware that my family wasn't "white picket fence". I also had learned to pretend that wasn't the case.
My father has since then re married a wonderful woman, and the family that came with her has been a huge blessing to my father and me. My mother is no longer with my step dad, and again, without going into too much detail, that is for the better of all of us.
You're probably thinking that I am using this blog post as a way to mass invite everyone to my own pity party. Bare with me though.
The thing is, marriage is sacred. Its a bond. Its a covenant. It is a choice you make that will forever effect everyone around you, and everything you do. It changes our views, our minds, and if done sincerely, it will change our hearts.
Why do people get married with divorce as the plan B? Why is it so easy to forget how important the impact a marriage, good or bad, can have?
While on my mission, I saw a lot of happy families. All very different, but so happy. I could say that the gospel was what did it for them. I could easily say that the power of the sealing ordinance was so prevalent in their home; that their marital bond was strictly due to the presence of the Holy Ghost and those temple covenants. I wont say that though because there are plenty of people who do things the "right" way, and still end up in divorce.
This I can say: All of the couples I looked to and admired so greatly, had 3 marital attributes in common: loyalty, humility, and patience.
All three of these attributes stem from charity. A pure love for one another. A desire to serve with or without being asked. A rock hard determination to always communicate, be kind, and put their spouse first. They constantly made an effort, no matter how hard it was, to find time to go on dates, hold a hand, or sneak a kiss. These little rituals, as insignificant as they may sound, honestly make the biggest difference.
All of us have core needs to feel secure, appreciated, and loved... When husband and wife make an effort to fill those needs as much as they can, that white picket fence protecting their relationship gets stronger. They teach their children what love really looks like. They create a safe environment for those children to express themselves, learn to trust, and grow in all the ways they need. They will learn, by observing their parents, how to treat one another, how to solve conflict, how to communicate... Everything they see us do, they do too. If a husband and wife are working on their relationship that white picket fence is built and begins to protect. The home becomes a sanctuary, and a place of refuge for every member living within those walls.
Neither of my parents taught me through example what a healthy and loving marriage looks like. I know that my brother and I both struggle with things like communication, attachment, trust, and who knows what else. I would never point fingers at my parents and blame them for all of my problems. That just wouldn't be fair. I am an adult, and I have learned through out my life how to confront my weaknesses. I cant say that I wouldn't face the things I do if my parents were together and happily married, but I cant dismiss the possibility.
The point I want to make today is that the relationship between husband and wife is absolutely, 100% worth whatever effort it may take. President Thomas S Monson has said, "Choose your love, and love your choice."
Love is a choice. You don't fall in love. That just insinuates you can fall out of love, in which case makes love appear to be on a time bound track. That is just a stupid excuse, and I refuse to fall for that. Do you just "fall out of love" with your children? Does God "fall out of love" with us when we are stupid? No. Of course not.
Love is timeless. Love is eternal. If I am going to be frank, love is a commandment.
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.." (Matthew 22:37-39)
Any commandment given is coupled with our own choice.
To obey, or to not obey.
Why would love be any different? Why would marriage be any different?
Choosing a spouse is perhaps the biggest choice we will ever have to make.
Are we compatible? Will we grow together, in the same direction? What will they be like as parents? Will I still love him when he gets fat and bald? Do I still love her when she has morning breath?
Yes, even the things that seem temporal can be just the thing that throws everything off kilter.
A woman in Racine Wisconsin has been taking care of her husband Dave for about 15 years. After a few strokes, he had lost his ability to speak. He was a double amputee, and was unable to take care of himself at all. Day in, and day out. She chooses every morning and every night to bathe him and change his diapers. I was always in awe when we would visit them, because she never complained. She never batted an eye at any task she was confronted with. As a matter of fact, I often would see her look at him with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes. I remember her telling me once, "Dave is my best friend. He is my eternal companion. If this is what I have to do to show him I love him, and that the promises I made to him when we got married were sincere, I will. I wouldn't trade this life for anything, and I would do it all over again if I got a second chance at life."
That is what marriage is about guys. If you are looking at your future husband or wife and thinking to youself, "if we stay like this forever, I would be the happiest person in the world..."
You have some thinking to do.
Life throws unexpected curveballs at us every day. People get sick. People lose their jobs. Children are born, some with disabilities. Life happens.
Marriage is meant to give us added strength and comfort through the hard times. Marriage is about team work.
What does my "white picket fence" look like?
A husband who loves, supports and encourages me. Takes the time and effort necessary to calm my nerves, and help me stand when I am down. Someone who will defend my honor. Love my children.
My white picket fence isn't a one way street though. It is more of a round-a-bout. We both will work, do whatever it takes to provide a faith-filled loving marriage and family. We will know perfectly that if we choose not to fight, choose not to work, there is an out we can take. An out that will snatch us up and cheer on our pride. An out that will drive out the love and humility we worked so hard to develop in the first place.
Marriage and love go hand in hand with agency. Marriage is supposed to be eternal; without end. If you are really choosing to love someone, you give them all you can, even when things go downhill. Marriage provides the ideal setting for overcoming tendancies to be selfish or self centered. I realize it can be easier said then done.
A part of me is like, "Love is worked for. Love is hard work."
The other part of me though says, "If you really love someone, is divorce really the only way to solve the problems that arise? Isnt there a better way?"
We always have a choice.
I will love him with all my heart, mind and soul, and he will do the same. My children will be raised in a home where they can feel secure, and never doubt the love their family can provide. I don't expect perfection in my family, or anyone else's for that matter.
However, it is my right to have my stakes set high. Who ever I marry will be making the same commitment that is necessary to make a marriage last. A commitment designed to last throughout all eternity.
Who doesn't want that kind of marriage?
Who doesn't want their kids to have parents so loving and loyal to each other it makes them make gagging noises in the back seat of their mini van?
I believe that Christ will always make up for what we lack. Things that go wrong, even when we do give it all we got, will be made up for. We all make mistakes. Life happens. Choices need to be made.
Just like building our faith in God, we need not loose hope in the ability to love and be loved for all that we are. We need not fear that our imperfections will keep us from having that white picket fence. God always grants His children blessings.
Keep your heart open. Don't give up the fight.
When I was 3, my family took a vacation to Disney World. I vividly remember a lot of details about this trip, down to the very night gown I wore to bed. Which, if you were wondering was a blue Pocahontas night shirt. I remember pretty extensive details about being at the swimming pool with my big brother. I remember the "Its a Small World" ride with the creepy dolls, which I happened to love. I remember the Dumbo ride, and going to a restaurant where the floor moved; kind of like the moving sidewalks at the airports. I still am not sure what restaurant this was, but my parents have confirmed that my memory isn't completely wrong.
However, all these details blend with the fact that I believed for a long time I took two separate trips: One with my mom, and one with my dad. Pictures prove that all 4 of us were together the whole time, and the vivid details I just listed are also not a figment of my imagination. Up until I recently started studying psychology along side studies for my major, I was never worried about my family dynamic as a child. I was never curious as to why my memory has separated such a happy thing into two.
In my marriage skills class last semester I had to write a family of origin paper, and think deep and hard about how the things I observed and experienced as a child will effect my marriage, and how I intend to handle it. Writing that paper was sort of like therapy for me. There are a lot of things I never noticed that were effecting me in my current relationships. I want to make one thing clear though, my parents were and still are good parents. I never saw them be harsh to each other, and they worked hard to make sure my brother and I were happy and healthy. In all honesty, divorce was probably the best thing they could have done. Without going into too much detail, it could have been much more damaging for me and my brother to be in a home where the parents are not loving, or happy with each other.
In class on Thursday we talked about how the husband and wife are together, and they are equal. There is a "white picket fence" around them, creating specific boundaries to help protect and honor that relationship. Underneath them are the children, with another white picket fence around the whole family. The family has sub-systems within its own system, and each system is uniquely and independently important. Lots of couples will say, "my kids come first." Thank goodness they feel that way about their children, right? However, it has recently been drawn to my attention that when children are brought into this world it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain and work on the relationship that started it all. Why is marriage so important? Why does it become even more important when children are brought into the picture?
After all, if the relationship between the mother and the father didn't matter, divorce wouldn't be such a big deal, and neither would the future marriages of those children, right?
My parents divorce has changed my life. I don't have to remember extensive details to realize that because of that divorce the whole "white picket fence" theory was thrown out the window. All 4 of us had to start from scratch. My dad remarried a woman I developed a close relationship with, and her son and I were close enough in age to become very good friends. My mom dated a man for a very long time who had 3 children, and they lived with us for years. I adjusted to this new dynamic rather quickly. I went from having 1 sibling to having 5. Having my own bedroom to sharing it with 3 other children. I learned to share, learned to be the protective "big sister", and I often enjoyed being the leader of the pack. I wasn't a lonely little kid any more! Both of my families did a good job providing love and care for us. Every other weekend, like clock work, I would go from my tiny shared bedroom that was located in the basement of my grandmother's home, to Parker CO, where I had my own bedroom, a cold-a-sac full big houses. I was living two different lives. Both happy, but both very different. When I was about 14 years old I decided to move out of my moms house and in with my dad, and my timing is always impeccable, because my father and step mother had been having problems and chose to divorce. I was completely unaware. Not only did I just see them a couple times a month, but I had become accustomed to turning off my observational skills. I wanted to be happy and have a normal family. I was well aware that my family wasn't "white picket fence". I also had learned to pretend that wasn't the case.
My father has since then re married a wonderful woman, and the family that came with her has been a huge blessing to my father and me. My mother is no longer with my step dad, and again, without going into too much detail, that is for the better of all of us.
You're probably thinking that I am using this blog post as a way to mass invite everyone to my own pity party. Bare with me though.
The thing is, marriage is sacred. Its a bond. Its a covenant. It is a choice you make that will forever effect everyone around you, and everything you do. It changes our views, our minds, and if done sincerely, it will change our hearts.
Why do people get married with divorce as the plan B? Why is it so easy to forget how important the impact a marriage, good or bad, can have?
While on my mission, I saw a lot of happy families. All very different, but so happy. I could say that the gospel was what did it for them. I could easily say that the power of the sealing ordinance was so prevalent in their home; that their marital bond was strictly due to the presence of the Holy Ghost and those temple covenants. I wont say that though because there are plenty of people who do things the "right" way, and still end up in divorce.
This I can say: All of the couples I looked to and admired so greatly, had 3 marital attributes in common: loyalty, humility, and patience.
All three of these attributes stem from charity. A pure love for one another. A desire to serve with or without being asked. A rock hard determination to always communicate, be kind, and put their spouse first. They constantly made an effort, no matter how hard it was, to find time to go on dates, hold a hand, or sneak a kiss. These little rituals, as insignificant as they may sound, honestly make the biggest difference.
All of us have core needs to feel secure, appreciated, and loved... When husband and wife make an effort to fill those needs as much as they can, that white picket fence protecting their relationship gets stronger. They teach their children what love really looks like. They create a safe environment for those children to express themselves, learn to trust, and grow in all the ways they need. They will learn, by observing their parents, how to treat one another, how to solve conflict, how to communicate... Everything they see us do, they do too. If a husband and wife are working on their relationship that white picket fence is built and begins to protect. The home becomes a sanctuary, and a place of refuge for every member living within those walls.
Neither of my parents taught me through example what a healthy and loving marriage looks like. I know that my brother and I both struggle with things like communication, attachment, trust, and who knows what else. I would never point fingers at my parents and blame them for all of my problems. That just wouldn't be fair. I am an adult, and I have learned through out my life how to confront my weaknesses. I cant say that I wouldn't face the things I do if my parents were together and happily married, but I cant dismiss the possibility.
The point I want to make today is that the relationship between husband and wife is absolutely, 100% worth whatever effort it may take. President Thomas S Monson has said, "Choose your love, and love your choice."
Love is a choice. You don't fall in love. That just insinuates you can fall out of love, in which case makes love appear to be on a time bound track. That is just a stupid excuse, and I refuse to fall for that. Do you just "fall out of love" with your children? Does God "fall out of love" with us when we are stupid? No. Of course not.
Love is timeless. Love is eternal. If I am going to be frank, love is a commandment.
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.." (Matthew 22:37-39)
Any commandment given is coupled with our own choice.
To obey, or to not obey.
Why would love be any different? Why would marriage be any different?
Choosing a spouse is perhaps the biggest choice we will ever have to make.
Are we compatible? Will we grow together, in the same direction? What will they be like as parents? Will I still love him when he gets fat and bald? Do I still love her when she has morning breath?
Yes, even the things that seem temporal can be just the thing that throws everything off kilter.
A woman in Racine Wisconsin has been taking care of her husband Dave for about 15 years. After a few strokes, he had lost his ability to speak. He was a double amputee, and was unable to take care of himself at all. Day in, and day out. She chooses every morning and every night to bathe him and change his diapers. I was always in awe when we would visit them, because she never complained. She never batted an eye at any task she was confronted with. As a matter of fact, I often would see her look at him with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes. I remember her telling me once, "Dave is my best friend. He is my eternal companion. If this is what I have to do to show him I love him, and that the promises I made to him when we got married were sincere, I will. I wouldn't trade this life for anything, and I would do it all over again if I got a second chance at life."
That is what marriage is about guys. If you are looking at your future husband or wife and thinking to youself, "if we stay like this forever, I would be the happiest person in the world..."
You have some thinking to do.
Life throws unexpected curveballs at us every day. People get sick. People lose their jobs. Children are born, some with disabilities. Life happens.
Marriage is meant to give us added strength and comfort through the hard times. Marriage is about team work.
What does my "white picket fence" look like?
A husband who loves, supports and encourages me. Takes the time and effort necessary to calm my nerves, and help me stand when I am down. Someone who will defend my honor. Love my children.
My white picket fence isn't a one way street though. It is more of a round-a-bout. We both will work, do whatever it takes to provide a faith-filled loving marriage and family. We will know perfectly that if we choose not to fight, choose not to work, there is an out we can take. An out that will snatch us up and cheer on our pride. An out that will drive out the love and humility we worked so hard to develop in the first place.
Marriage and love go hand in hand with agency. Marriage is supposed to be eternal; without end. If you are really choosing to love someone, you give them all you can, even when things go downhill. Marriage provides the ideal setting for overcoming tendancies to be selfish or self centered. I realize it can be easier said then done.
A part of me is like, "Love is worked for. Love is hard work."
The other part of me though says, "If you really love someone, is divorce really the only way to solve the problems that arise? Isnt there a better way?"
We always have a choice.
I will love him with all my heart, mind and soul, and he will do the same. My children will be raised in a home where they can feel secure, and never doubt the love their family can provide. I don't expect perfection in my family, or anyone else's for that matter.
However, it is my right to have my stakes set high. Who ever I marry will be making the same commitment that is necessary to make a marriage last. A commitment designed to last throughout all eternity.
Who doesn't want that kind of marriage?
Who doesn't want their kids to have parents so loving and loyal to each other it makes them make gagging noises in the back seat of their mini van?
I believe that Christ will always make up for what we lack. Things that go wrong, even when we do give it all we got, will be made up for. We all make mistakes. Life happens. Choices need to be made.
Just like building our faith in God, we need not loose hope in the ability to love and be loved for all that we are. We need not fear that our imperfections will keep us from having that white picket fence. God always grants His children blessings.
Keep your heart open. Don't give up the fight.
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