I have a previous post about my opinions of women and their current role in our society, and that post was more of a soap box rant than anything... If you would like to read it, you can view it here:
Marriage and Babies- Is this really all I am worth?


In class this week we discussed a few things. Finances, tithing, mother and fathers roles with their children.... but perhaps the most important thing we discussed was the choice women all over America are making every day; Do I, or don't I, be a stay at home mother?

Studies have concluded that the impact in the home is negative when the mother has to work. Most of that toll comes because there is already financial woes and stress in the home and the mother has to work in order to work in order to maintain their lifestyle. The Family a Proclamation to the World makes it pretty clear that a mothers job is to nurture and love. We are taught that the wife holds the responsibility of providing a home where the Spirit can dwell, and the gospel can be taught. It is the Fathers job to provide, put the food on the table so to speak. Both husband and wife are still (or they should be) an equal partnership. Both providing natural love and affection towards each other and their children, as well as making sure that the home is temporally and spiritually in tact. We are taught to get an education, gain as much knowledge as possible. After all, our families and our knowledge come with us into the next life, don't they?

Someone might be asking, "So what is the big deal about being a stay at home mom then? Why wouldn't you want to be at home with your family?"

Unfortunately, it is not always that simple. At least it doesn't feel that simple to me. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. In fact, I am sure that there is nothing in this world more important to me that achieving those two things. The churches teachings about the family is a part of the reason I was so drawn to it to begin with! Along with my desire to be a wife and a mother, I have gained a desire to have the opportunity to watch my children grow. I don't want a baby sitter being the one to see their first steps, or see them loose their first tooth. I want to be with my children. In conjunction with my husband I want to be the one to raise them, teach them what is right and true, and develop close family ties; ties I never had growing up.

I also love to learn. School has been a wild ride for me, and has been a healthy expression of my intellect and ability to put my intelligence to some good use. Not only do I intend to graduate and receive a bachelors degree, but there is a possibility I will want to go even further and receive my masters... there is nothing wrong with that.

What do I do when I get married and begin to have children? Do I put school on hold? Do I drop out all together? That doesn't seem like something I want to do... Maybe I should press through, continue to do what I do and learn to balance home life and my school. Oh but wait! Ill be newly married! I am young! Do I quit my job? Take a few hours off my work week? Or do I keep doing what I am doing?
Of course this is a matter to be discussed with my husband and taken to the Lord in fervent prayer. As a matter of fact, my professor has suggested that these questions should be discussed even in courtship with my significant other-these questions and concerns are that big of a deal.

Every circumstance is different. The Family a Proclamation to the World has told us that as a family we may have to adjust in order to fufill our shared responsibilities as a family if the circumstance requires it. What if the husband looses his job? Gets injured? What if you get divorced? What if something happens... what do you do? How do you prepare?

When I imagine myself in this position I cant help but to feel the extreme importance of receiving my own education- at the very least in order to give me something to fall back on in an emergency situation. Then I think about the money I am spending in order to achieve this degree, and I think to myself, "boy what a waste it would be if I didn't graduate and move toward a career of some sort..." No one ever regrets not working more in their life, but they always wish they could have spent more time with their family. But... does that mean that I should stop dead in my tracks when I start my family? How can I be sure that I am really doing what is best for them?

I am hoping to be the kind of mother that will make whatever sacrifice is necessary to provide love, support, and whatever else they stand in need of, to my family. We are all aware that being a parent is all about sacrifice. So is marriage. Lots of things in this life require sacrifice of some form. I am a selfish person, and being a parent will probably root a lot of that selfishness right out of me... but is it so wrong to want to continue my education? Pursue a career? Want to work, at least a little bit?
At this moment in my life I feel pretty grateful I don't have to make that choice right now. My mom worked when I was growing up, but never once did I feel neglected, or ignored. I learned how to read at an early age. I can write, spell, tie my shoes, and lo and behold, I am a decent adult today! Would I be incredibky different if she ws able to stay at home with me full time? Its possible, but I turned out just fine if you ask me!

The independent women inside of me feels like I would be trading my mind for a mop the moment I decided to not work at all. I know that is not true though, being a stay at home mom is busy! It absolutely is a full time job and then some, and those kids are blessed and happy! At the same time though, I know those women crave something else sometimes. Perhaps more adult conversation, a way to serve, or at least a shower that isn't interrupted! Would it be so terrible for their sanity if they took some online classes, did a service project, or worked a few hours a week? Would it really break down their marriage and their childrens understanding of stability and security? I don't know...

To all of you mothers out there, single or married, I applaud you. Being a mother is the highest and most important calling there is and ever will be! You do so much and often lack the appreciation you deserve. You are in my prayers. If you are faced with this choice to stay at home, or to not, I want you to know that you DO get a say in the matter, and the Lord will not misguide you and your husband if you council with Him together. If you have to work, due to whatever unfortunate circumstance, again, you are in my prayers. You are doing what youre supposed to do-provide all you can for your family. If you are spent, worn out, exhausted and confsed, remember that family life is eternal life. You may not have the ideal situation. Seldom are we that lucky. Trials in life come to teach us, and help us grow. I know I am growing and learning much more than I anticipated and I am not yet a wife or a mother. Think of the eternal consequences-and I am talking about the good happy ones!

No matter your choice, no matter your circumstance, know one thing. If you choose to stay at home, that doesn't make you any less of a woman. That does not rid you of your intelligence and capability to make a difference in your community, or even the world. If you choose to get an education and work, that does not make you a bad wife and mother. That does not rob you of the divine blessing and honor of motherhood, or make you any less deserving of such a wonderful thing.

You are important. You have a say. You have a choice.
Just remember that

He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Something has been getting under my skin for quite awhile now, and I have written and deleted this post over and over.  I don't want to offend, or hurt anyone's feelings. Being surrounded by church members has done the opposite of what I expected it to do. Perhaps it is me justifying my sins and short comings, but I am so disappointed to see so many people live the culture of the church, instead of the gospel.

It is here, on a campus full of Mormons, that I have never felt more judged, ostracized, and worried about who I am. I have never had so many people assume I was "trouble" because of my tattoos, or question my relationship with God simply because I am dating someone who hasn't served a mission. It is here, in Podunk Rexburg, Idaho that the same person who was very visibly breaking curfew, by sitting in my apartment at one in the morning, actually shush me for saying a curse word. Breaking curfew can cause you to have your endorsement removed mind you...
Now, I am fully aware of what the Lord has asked us to do, and I do my best to keep my mouth clean-its something I have been working on since I was baptized, and believe me, its gotten much better!

I have heard more people say awful things about the Orlando crisis because those individuals were homosexual than ever. I have heard women say nasty things about other women who were wearing skirts that were a little short. It has broken my heart when people make snide remarks about people who made mistakes and can not go into the temple, or people who were married outside of the temple for whatever reason... I don't understand why anyone thinks it is their business...

A few Sundays ago, the man who passed the sacrament to my row, actually asked the person next to me why they didn't take the sacrament. As a matter of fact, he asked twice, and then continued to stare at him for the rest of the ordinance. Just a week or two after that, a member of my bishopric said, "Brothers and Sisters... just don't be a statistic of the church. If you get lost, there wont be any bread crumbs to help you come back." I am sure he didn't mean that to be so harsh, but my heart felt so sad. Not only was that completely false, but if there was anyone in that room who was struggling, I am positive that comment did not uplift and encourage them to feel safe within their designated ward.

I think of all the individuals I met on my mission. Some members their whole lives, some just learning about the gospel for the first time. Oh how much I love them and would do anything to help them get on the path they should be on. I would feel absolutely terrible if I ever made them feel like I was judging them, or looking down on them. Whether it be because of sin, misunderstanding, or anything else... My heart would break for them if I was to learn that they were struggling with their faith, if they felt lost, or if they were feeling uncomfortable at church.

I am not perfect. I am sure I have been one of those people to be so frustrated with someone's actions to judge them un-righteously. Actually, I am sure I have-never intentionally though. This is what the culture of the church looks like to me. All the sudden we are fashion police. We are sticking our noses in places they don't belong, and we are being openly rude when we smell something 'wrong'. We are playing the role that only the Savior Himself has the right to play.

The gospel has never taught us to judge one another. It has never encouraged us to be mean, hurtful, or just plain rude because someone's sins may be more visible than our own. The gospel has taught us to have faith in Christ, enough to repent when we do wrong, and trust that when we do, we can be forgiven and try again. It has taught us that we should be a light to one another. We should open our hearts that we might understand. In Moroni, it teaches us to pray with all the energy of heart for charity-the pure love of Christ. This is the love we are commanded to have for one another. The exhortion to pray with all the energy of heart makes so much sense to me. Being charitable is not always easy. It is the natural man to be judgemental... but because of Christ we can overcome our natural tendancies as humans-that is what the gospel is all about.

I miss the gospel. I miss being around individuals who understood its core purpose, and embraced it. I know there are lots and lots of those people here, I am not disregarding that. Lately I feel like I haven't seen those colors in the individuals I am surrounded by. This really is a good place, and I have learned so much being here. All of this has made me take a look at myself and evaluate where my heart is. I have made plans with the Lord, that with His help, I can be more humble, loving and patient. There is something here for me to learn.
However, there is something all of us can learn if we take a step back and ask, "What Lack I yet?"
No one is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. Christ will make up for all that we do lack though, and will help us improve if we desire to do so.
He can help us remember that all of the people around us are experiencing some sort of trial right now, and they might need our help and encouragement; not our judgements and dirty looks.

He who is without sin can cast the first stone-but are any of us without sin?

I didn't think so.

Under Pressure

What stresses you out? Homework? Family? Finances?
What would you consider a crisis? The loss of a loved one? A body ridden with cancer?

Congratulations. If you shook your head to any of these or are experiencing any of these currently, you are normal. You are also being abundantly blessed. Yep, that's right. Its a blessing to be stressed or in the middle of a crisis.

Trust me, I am the last person who is going to convince you that being tired, stressed out, anxious, or depressed is actually a blessing.

Stressors in family dynamics will certainly try your patience at every whit. A crisis will do so ten fold, and if you are not careful, either one of these will break you down. It will permanently change your family roles, tear at the seams of your marriage, and hurt your Spirit. You are probably wondering why any of this sounds like a blessing.
Let me explain.

President Uchtdorf of the First Presidency of the Church once said, "It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself that determines how your story will develop." I have thought a lot about this, especially right now. I am working 32 hours a week, and I am taking 15 credits. The semester is over half way over, and I am completely broke. If I don't work the hours I don't get to eat or keep a roof over my head. If I work more hours, my sleep and studies take the hit. It is a pretty vicious cycle for me right now, and I am doing all I can not to let the stress completely over take me.

The Book of Mormon teaches us that it is through opposition that we actually experience JOY. Yes, Joy. Eternal happiness and bliss is the promised outcome when we endure all of lifes pain, sorrow and sadness. We face conflict that produces stress every day, and sometimes that turns into a crisis.
Luckily the good Lord intended for us to be in family. He intended us to be married, to have children, and to lean on those closest to us. I don't know about you, but the ones I love the most are always my biggest form of support.

Death, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or otherwise), addiction, work or lack there of... all of these things contribute to family crisis'. These things will cause you to believe that they are going to rule your whole life. Consume who you are from the inside out. How do we stop that process dead in its tracks?

We communicate. We talk to our spouse and our children. We discuss the possible outcomes of things that may become difficult for our family in the future and we prepare ourselves. We learn the principle of forgiveness. Not only forgiving those who have made mistakes that were at our peril, but the forgiveness of ourselves when we are the ones making the mistakes. We remember that EVIL IS STUPID.

Satan is so dumb! If he really wanted us to stray from the Lords plan, he would leave us the heck alone. Sin, trials, heartache and whatever else he may send our way, actually give us the chance to band together as families and use the atonement.
Not only to repent, receive forgiveness, and to feel guilt free, but also to overcome personal weakness and receive strength when we feel like we cant make it over the hump. What better way to strengthen our families than to come together and go to the Lord?

Opposition is a huge part of Gods plan of happiness. We cant appreciate the times that feel free and easy if we don't know what it feels like to be stuck and sad.

So my friends, the next time you feel under pressure. No matter the circumstance, go to your spouse. Hug your children. Communicate, make a plan, and keep the Lord involved. Remember that the trials we experience in this life are designed to prepare us for glory here after.

Also, remember Satan sucks.
<3

Thank You Orlando

This weekend a terrible tragedy occurred. 50 people were murdered while dancing the night away at a gay club. My heart is breaking. It is breaking for the victims. For their families and their friends. For the survivors who had to witness such a horrific massacre. My heart is breaking for those in the LGBT community who are feeling even more unsafe than they did before...

My heart is also sad for the people who have turned this into an opportunity to turn their backs-simply because these victims are gay. To separate themselves from any association with gay people...

I live in Rexburg Idaho. A Mormon dominant town, full of college students who are opinionated and for the most part republican. I am certain that there are people who identify themselves as homosexual on this campus, and that is definitely the minority here... I am certain that those individuals experience what I call the "black sheep syndrome". They may feel ostracized and depressed simply because of their sexual orientation. A Mormon is raised to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. In order to have a family that lasts forever we must be sealed in the holy temple of God. A man and a man, nor a woman and a woman who are in love can not be married in the temple. So imagine the difficulty it causes in the hearts and souls of these individuals who are gay. They must choose. Choose between living the way they are raised, and for the most part they really do believe and love... or, do they choose love, companionship, and a chance at eartlhy happiness? This is a traumatic daily struggle these individuals go through. It causes emotional, spiritual, and mental strain, and I cant begin to fathom having to choose between love and family and God... which sounds awful, I know. I can promise you though, my faith is just not that strong. That's a hard thing to face!

This blog post isn't about being Mormon and gay though-that's a different discussion all in itself. This is about love and acceptance though...

My whole life I have searched for love and acceptance. As a child I searched for it in my parents. As I got older I sought it out at school. I did what I needed to do to fit in, and find my way. Making friends and finding your place is so important growing up.... I seek ways to make my family, roommates and my significant other happy, all the while seeking their acceptance, friendship and love. I am pretty sure this isn't unique to me though. Everyone wants love and acceptance. It is human nature.

This bar or club was a place these individuals could go to feel accepted. Anyone who has ever been in a room full of people who understand and accept you for who you are knows how good that makes you feel. Add a little bit of alcohol and some music to that feeling, and you are probably on a temporary cloud 9.

As a missionary I experienced something magical. I haven't seen it since, nor do I recall really seeing it before... but as a missionary I saw good. EVERYWHERE. In EVERYONE. Black, white, male, female, gay straight, Christian or Jewish... I saw so many people with hearts the size of Texas. People who wanted to do good. Wanted to make a difference. People who wanted to have a happy family, and make good choices. My eyes were opened to the beauty of the diversity God has created, and yet, I never felt more united with the human race. That is why I loved being a missionary. I saw everyone I met as Heavenly Father sees them-and I never saw them as a color, race, sexual orientation, or otherwise. I loved them, for who they were, and it took hardly any effort on my part to feel that love.

This is a two fold issue, and they are both connected. Not only was this a crime that was in the disgusting hands of ISIS, but this was also a hate crime against men and women who are homosexual.
ISIS is against christianaity, and apparently homosexuality too. Between Christians and gay men and women, don't we make up more than the majority of the United States? All of us have a common enemy found in ISIS. All of us have a common connection with being human, and wanting love and acceptance. When the terrorist attacks occurred in Paris, everyone was immediately in full support. Changing their profile pictures, donating blood, and sending up prayers to heaven on a hourly basis. Why is this any different? This event happened shortly after I returned home from my mission. I had just learned of the horror our country was about to face because both Trump and Hilary were running for president-and winning. My heart broke. I was seeing two different worlds. A world united in prayer, love and support, and a world polarized because of hate, differences of opinions and pure anger. At that moment I made a choice. No, I made a promise.

I am going to stand for love. Brotherly kindness. Peace.

I am not a hippy. I am not going to hand out flowers while I skip around and I am probably no more capable of changing the world then the next person is... but I want to be an advocate for love. I am not using the word love in terms of marriage. I am using the word love like I would to describe the feelings I have for my family, or for the people I met and taught in Wisconsin. Love in the way that God loved us, and Christ gave His life for all of us-gay or not.

Brothers and Sisters, we have a chance to make a difference here; if we stand together. We have a chance to open our hearts and our minds. Open our arms and invite those who need hugs to come and receive the comfort and love they seek. What happened in Orlando early Sunday morning could break us down. We can divide ourselves between gay rights and anti gay. We can turn our backs on people who in all reality, are just like us... We can be angry, hurtful, bigoted and mean. You do not have to support the lifestyle of a person who identifies themselves as gay. You do not have to agree with a Christian who firmly believes that marriage is between a man and a woman. None of that should play a part in the role all of us have been offered.
We are all human. We have heart beats, finger prints, personalities, and smiles. We are all children of God, created by a divine and perfect Father in Heaven who loves us-unconditionally. This knowledge is powerful, and can be used to bring us together in unity and love... It could also be a part of the division. We are stronger if we stand united. A house divided will surely fall, and I don't know anyone who can disagree that we are already on our way there.

I want my love and prayers to go out to those who struggle. Whether it be with sexual orientation, spiritual questions, or mental illness. Those who struggle because they were personally effected on Sunday, or those who are effected from afar. Those who have had a bad day, month or year.
I do not have to know much about you to know that you deserve love and kindness. I don't have to know your name to know that we are more alike than we realize.

I invite all of those who are turning their backs simply because these victims were gay, to take a step back. Repent if you have to.
These are our brothers and sisters. Someone's child, someone's friend. Why do we have to see each other as the enemy?

We are supposed to stand together and stand tall in crisis. We are supposed to love one another.

Please stop using this as an opportunity to continue to hate someone. We are all in this together. We are all being affected. We all have blood running through our veins and we need to be united.

I don't care who you love or have sex with. I don't care what religion you are. That doesn't disqualify you in any way to be loved by God, or by me.

Orlando, you have my love and support. You are in my prayers. You are a motivation for me to seek ways I can make a positive impact in this world. I am grateful for things that open my eyes to find the good and push away the bad. Thank you for reminding me what I am here for.

<3