I have a previous post about my opinions of women and their current role in our society, and that post was more of a soap box rant than anything... If you would like to read it, you can view it here:
Marriage and Babies- Is this really all I am worth?


In class this week we discussed a few things. Finances, tithing, mother and fathers roles with their children.... but perhaps the most important thing we discussed was the choice women all over America are making every day; Do I, or don't I, be a stay at home mother?

Studies have concluded that the impact in the home is negative when the mother has to work. Most of that toll comes because there is already financial woes and stress in the home and the mother has to work in order to work in order to maintain their lifestyle. The Family a Proclamation to the World makes it pretty clear that a mothers job is to nurture and love. We are taught that the wife holds the responsibility of providing a home where the Spirit can dwell, and the gospel can be taught. It is the Fathers job to provide, put the food on the table so to speak. Both husband and wife are still (or they should be) an equal partnership. Both providing natural love and affection towards each other and their children, as well as making sure that the home is temporally and spiritually in tact. We are taught to get an education, gain as much knowledge as possible. After all, our families and our knowledge come with us into the next life, don't they?

Someone might be asking, "So what is the big deal about being a stay at home mom then? Why wouldn't you want to be at home with your family?"

Unfortunately, it is not always that simple. At least it doesn't feel that simple to me. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. In fact, I am sure that there is nothing in this world more important to me that achieving those two things. The churches teachings about the family is a part of the reason I was so drawn to it to begin with! Along with my desire to be a wife and a mother, I have gained a desire to have the opportunity to watch my children grow. I don't want a baby sitter being the one to see their first steps, or see them loose their first tooth. I want to be with my children. In conjunction with my husband I want to be the one to raise them, teach them what is right and true, and develop close family ties; ties I never had growing up.

I also love to learn. School has been a wild ride for me, and has been a healthy expression of my intellect and ability to put my intelligence to some good use. Not only do I intend to graduate and receive a bachelors degree, but there is a possibility I will want to go even further and receive my masters... there is nothing wrong with that.

What do I do when I get married and begin to have children? Do I put school on hold? Do I drop out all together? That doesn't seem like something I want to do... Maybe I should press through, continue to do what I do and learn to balance home life and my school. Oh but wait! Ill be newly married! I am young! Do I quit my job? Take a few hours off my work week? Or do I keep doing what I am doing?
Of course this is a matter to be discussed with my husband and taken to the Lord in fervent prayer. As a matter of fact, my professor has suggested that these questions should be discussed even in courtship with my significant other-these questions and concerns are that big of a deal.

Every circumstance is different. The Family a Proclamation to the World has told us that as a family we may have to adjust in order to fufill our shared responsibilities as a family if the circumstance requires it. What if the husband looses his job? Gets injured? What if you get divorced? What if something happens... what do you do? How do you prepare?

When I imagine myself in this position I cant help but to feel the extreme importance of receiving my own education- at the very least in order to give me something to fall back on in an emergency situation. Then I think about the money I am spending in order to achieve this degree, and I think to myself, "boy what a waste it would be if I didn't graduate and move toward a career of some sort..." No one ever regrets not working more in their life, but they always wish they could have spent more time with their family. But... does that mean that I should stop dead in my tracks when I start my family? How can I be sure that I am really doing what is best for them?

I am hoping to be the kind of mother that will make whatever sacrifice is necessary to provide love, support, and whatever else they stand in need of, to my family. We are all aware that being a parent is all about sacrifice. So is marriage. Lots of things in this life require sacrifice of some form. I am a selfish person, and being a parent will probably root a lot of that selfishness right out of me... but is it so wrong to want to continue my education? Pursue a career? Want to work, at least a little bit?
At this moment in my life I feel pretty grateful I don't have to make that choice right now. My mom worked when I was growing up, but never once did I feel neglected, or ignored. I learned how to read at an early age. I can write, spell, tie my shoes, and lo and behold, I am a decent adult today! Would I be incredibky different if she ws able to stay at home with me full time? Its possible, but I turned out just fine if you ask me!

The independent women inside of me feels like I would be trading my mind for a mop the moment I decided to not work at all. I know that is not true though, being a stay at home mom is busy! It absolutely is a full time job and then some, and those kids are blessed and happy! At the same time though, I know those women crave something else sometimes. Perhaps more adult conversation, a way to serve, or at least a shower that isn't interrupted! Would it be so terrible for their sanity if they took some online classes, did a service project, or worked a few hours a week? Would it really break down their marriage and their childrens understanding of stability and security? I don't know...

To all of you mothers out there, single or married, I applaud you. Being a mother is the highest and most important calling there is and ever will be! You do so much and often lack the appreciation you deserve. You are in my prayers. If you are faced with this choice to stay at home, or to not, I want you to know that you DO get a say in the matter, and the Lord will not misguide you and your husband if you council with Him together. If you have to work, due to whatever unfortunate circumstance, again, you are in my prayers. You are doing what youre supposed to do-provide all you can for your family. If you are spent, worn out, exhausted and confsed, remember that family life is eternal life. You may not have the ideal situation. Seldom are we that lucky. Trials in life come to teach us, and help us grow. I know I am growing and learning much more than I anticipated and I am not yet a wife or a mother. Think of the eternal consequences-and I am talking about the good happy ones!

No matter your choice, no matter your circumstance, know one thing. If you choose to stay at home, that doesn't make you any less of a woman. That does not rid you of your intelligence and capability to make a difference in your community, or even the world. If you choose to get an education and work, that does not make you a bad wife and mother. That does not rob you of the divine blessing and honor of motherhood, or make you any less deserving of such a wonderful thing.

You are important. You have a say. You have a choice.
Just remember that

He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Something has been getting under my skin for quite awhile now, and I have written and deleted this post over and over.  I don't want to offend, or hurt anyone's feelings. Being surrounded by church members has done the opposite of what I expected it to do. Perhaps it is me justifying my sins and short comings, but I am so disappointed to see so many people live the culture of the church, instead of the gospel.

It is here, on a campus full of Mormons, that I have never felt more judged, ostracized, and worried about who I am. I have never had so many people assume I was "trouble" because of my tattoos, or question my relationship with God simply because I am dating someone who hasn't served a mission. It is here, in Podunk Rexburg, Idaho that the same person who was very visibly breaking curfew, by sitting in my apartment at one in the morning, actually shush me for saying a curse word. Breaking curfew can cause you to have your endorsement removed mind you...
Now, I am fully aware of what the Lord has asked us to do, and I do my best to keep my mouth clean-its something I have been working on since I was baptized, and believe me, its gotten much better!

I have heard more people say awful things about the Orlando crisis because those individuals were homosexual than ever. I have heard women say nasty things about other women who were wearing skirts that were a little short. It has broken my heart when people make snide remarks about people who made mistakes and can not go into the temple, or people who were married outside of the temple for whatever reason... I don't understand why anyone thinks it is their business...

A few Sundays ago, the man who passed the sacrament to my row, actually asked the person next to me why they didn't take the sacrament. As a matter of fact, he asked twice, and then continued to stare at him for the rest of the ordinance. Just a week or two after that, a member of my bishopric said, "Brothers and Sisters... just don't be a statistic of the church. If you get lost, there wont be any bread crumbs to help you come back." I am sure he didn't mean that to be so harsh, but my heart felt so sad. Not only was that completely false, but if there was anyone in that room who was struggling, I am positive that comment did not uplift and encourage them to feel safe within their designated ward.

I think of all the individuals I met on my mission. Some members their whole lives, some just learning about the gospel for the first time. Oh how much I love them and would do anything to help them get on the path they should be on. I would feel absolutely terrible if I ever made them feel like I was judging them, or looking down on them. Whether it be because of sin, misunderstanding, or anything else... My heart would break for them if I was to learn that they were struggling with their faith, if they felt lost, or if they were feeling uncomfortable at church.

I am not perfect. I am sure I have been one of those people to be so frustrated with someone's actions to judge them un-righteously. Actually, I am sure I have-never intentionally though. This is what the culture of the church looks like to me. All the sudden we are fashion police. We are sticking our noses in places they don't belong, and we are being openly rude when we smell something 'wrong'. We are playing the role that only the Savior Himself has the right to play.

The gospel has never taught us to judge one another. It has never encouraged us to be mean, hurtful, or just plain rude because someone's sins may be more visible than our own. The gospel has taught us to have faith in Christ, enough to repent when we do wrong, and trust that when we do, we can be forgiven and try again. It has taught us that we should be a light to one another. We should open our hearts that we might understand. In Moroni, it teaches us to pray with all the energy of heart for charity-the pure love of Christ. This is the love we are commanded to have for one another. The exhortion to pray with all the energy of heart makes so much sense to me. Being charitable is not always easy. It is the natural man to be judgemental... but because of Christ we can overcome our natural tendancies as humans-that is what the gospel is all about.

I miss the gospel. I miss being around individuals who understood its core purpose, and embraced it. I know there are lots and lots of those people here, I am not disregarding that. Lately I feel like I haven't seen those colors in the individuals I am surrounded by. This really is a good place, and I have learned so much being here. All of this has made me take a look at myself and evaluate where my heart is. I have made plans with the Lord, that with His help, I can be more humble, loving and patient. There is something here for me to learn.
However, there is something all of us can learn if we take a step back and ask, "What Lack I yet?"
No one is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. Christ will make up for all that we do lack though, and will help us improve if we desire to do so.
He can help us remember that all of the people around us are experiencing some sort of trial right now, and they might need our help and encouragement; not our judgements and dirty looks.

He who is without sin can cast the first stone-but are any of us without sin?

I didn't think so.